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My wife doesn't want to have sex!

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Question - (9 June 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 20 September 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My Wife doesn't get into our sex. She only prefers quickies and anything that goes beyond 10-15 minutes is already to much and I can see she looses interest.

Oral sex is a problem, she only wants it for a few minutes and will rarely give me any. The desire is not there physically and mentally. We have discussed it before and it improves very little. We have been married 11 years and shes a wonderful woman. best woman I know.

Please help !!!

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A male reader, fellini1973 United States +, writes (20 September 2009):

This is for the miserable wife who wrote in anonymously. First off let me start of by saying that you are a disgrace as a wife. From what you write, your husband seems like a legit guy. He works. Is a provider & most importantly your HUSBAND! You claim that it "is all about him". You have mentioned EVERY LAME-ASS excuse that you can possibly think of! This is NOT some random dude you just met! ITS YOUR HUSBAND! awwwwww POOR you! He doesnt cuddle, he wont make out with you...he doesnt this...he doesnt that! Im so sick and tired of reading how women feel that we men cant stack up cause we dont do this...and we dont do that! Why dont u step up to bat & make sure that your husband is "taken care of & satisfied"..??? Why dont you funnel the energy that you've used to complain about your husband into something productiuve like making sure that he is pleased & fulfilled sexually. Let me give all the ladies in here some advice....Men cheat cause they have miserable ass wives like YOU at home. If you ladies care enough about keeping your man faithful, well then you better start taking care of business & make sure that he gets fulfilled sexually! Let me be honest with you "anonymous",...If you were my wife i would have already filed for divorce! He gave you children, a house, food, and provides for you...And all you can say is that he doesnt "MAKE OUT" witrh you???!! ARE FREAKING KIDDING ME?????? Its time that we men stand up & say it like it is! YOU MARRIED HIM! NOW STOP COMPLAINING & BE A WIFE! p.s ....your a disgrace as a wife. I cant believe youd take the time time to get on line & write about how you wont have sex with your husband but you CANT fulfill him sexually? Dont worry "anonymous" cause if you arent, im sure another woman will. (if it already isnt happening)....If anyone feels that I am wrong, you can PM me anytime. Get over yourself & be a wife! TIME TO STAND UP GENTLEMEN! follow me, Ill lead the way!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008):

I am one of those wives with no drive and there are many reasons why. First and foremost, i dont want to always have "sex", sometimes it would be nice to feel like i am his wife not just a piece of meat. approach is everything. Also i like to kiss and fondle and thats not so important to him. I cant tell you the last time we made out. Another reason is we have too many kids living at home and he works swing shift. Different sleeping times. So how bout some advise for the wife who doesnt want to have sex and the husband just cant get it through his head that its not all about him!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008):

another man have her interest sexually???? latent interest in sex with women??? what have you two really talked about??? i hope it was not you begging for sex and not finding out what is making her so uninterested in your needs or how you might be neglecting hers. something to think about: how can a woman be so wonderful if she has no concern about your desire for her???? i have alway wondered about peoples' criteria for determining how suitable a person is for them. i certainly would not entertain making a commitment to a woman who demonstrates no interest in what i need nor should a woman be interested in me if i show no concern about her needs. just because a woman has a pretty face and great tits does not mean she is right for you. maybe she likes a pretty face and great tits too but, she is trying to lead a conventional life. maybe she is just bored with your technique. maybe she is bored with having sex with the same person ALL THE TIME. a lot of people get burned out having sex with the same person and since they won't get the thrill of sex with someone new, they just give up on it. maybe you are not taking care of yourself and she is put off by your extra weight or slovenly appearance or infrequent bathing. maybe you are boring her in other ways: sitting in front of the TV watching sports when you could be having a romantic walk along the river front. in other words not making the effort to keep the romance that once was alive. you might find that your focus on sex is too narrow. a lot of people respond to neglect by withdrawing their participation in an area not even connected to what bothers them. maybe she doesn't pursue what is wrong because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. maybe she feels you are too obtuse to understand what she needs and has just given up. i have found in my 62 years of living that when the sex goes wrong it is a symptom of something else that one has failed to understand about his or her partner. usually the culprit is a failure to have an open mind. if you are focused on your needs your mind is not open. i suggested a multitude of possibilities. how many have you discussed with your wife??????

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A male reader, PeterPan United States +, writes (9 June 2008):

PeterPan agony auntI recommend that you both seek couples therapy. There may be other issues below the surface that need to be addressed.

If that's not comfortable for you, have you considered an "escape weekend" to rediscover yourselves? Trips where you have nothing better to do than lounge by a pool, drink too much and eat too much are great for relaxing... then choose that opportunity to address the issue together. I would suggest that you say that you are fulfilling her needs for "quickies", but your needs for long passion sessions aren't being fairly or equally addressed. Open the floor to discussions on it.

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