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My toxic relationship with my sister

Tagged as: Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 October 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 October 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my little sister, who's 3 years younger then me, has a serious jealousy issue over me. i know that the feelings she has towards me have always been there. like, when we were a few years younger, she would ask me not to dress cute around her boyfriends because they found me attractive. i always respected her feelings and would wear sweaters and basically not even go around them. this is just one of the many examples of how i tried to cater to her jealousy issue.

shes always copied the decisions ive made, even ones that she was bad mouthing before.

recently i finally gave in and got mad at her for spreading rumors about me (trying to ruin my reputation) so i told her baby's dad that her youngest kid wasnt really his (the truth btw) and now all the things she feels about me are flooding out.

she went off on our mom for always showing me favoritism (which i dont feel happened) she's been going around spreading even more rumors about me (accusing me of sleeping with my cousin's husband) and making it a point to sleep with alot of my ex boyfriends.

i know i probably shouldnt have laid her secret out, but i snapped. i feel like im always kissing her butt, and in return shes out to ruin my name and make things harder on me.

can someone please give me some advice on how to handle a situation like this one?? much appreciated:)

View related questions: cousin, jealous, kissing, my ex

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (12 October 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntThe issue is that your sister isn't acting like family, she's acting like your arch nemesis! Or some competitive, back-stabbing "friend".

Tell her that you're sick of this petty drama and the nasty needs to stop if she wants to have some sort of relationship with you. Explain that you want to put this all behind you and start acting like sisters, not enemies waging war on each other. See what she says. If not, then unfortunately you're going to have to give it some distance until she matures..and sees just how important family really is.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011):

op: we do live separately, but we have a family that gets together regularly. shes said alot of things about me. like she tells every new guy she gets with, and all my ex's, that ive messed with her past boyfriends, as an excuse to be concerned about me being around any one new. like when she gets with a new guy, she'll get mad at him for talking to me, then tell him its because i've messed with other boyfriends of hers in the past. which ive never done!

then she told everyone that my white daughter is mixed races, when shes the one lying about her baby's real dad. she accused me of messing with my cousins husband, then told my cousin not to tell me that she said it. she used my ex to play alot of messed up games on me, and slept with another ex of mine, and is now talking to yet another ex of mine on facebook.

she has done alot of things to copy me like she went around telling everyone that i was basically unlady like for doing a modeling thing, then she spent 150 dollars on this stretch mark creme which worked, and is now doing the same thing she dissed me for. shes just non stop.

i know i was wrong for telling her secret, but good- gosh, shes always working against me, we should be close because were sisters, but instead i have her doing things all the time to hurt me, and then she acts like i should suck up to her because i owe her for being me. i dont know what to do anymore. i want so bad to be her friend

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A female reader, HoneyComb United States +, writes (10 October 2011):

Tell her you're sorry she feels that way, but a guy that would turn his attention from her because you're dressed "cute" isn't worth having. You need to be who you are. Then tell her you love her and you're sticking together, because at the end of the day that's all that matters.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (10 October 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntYou two have some major sister rivalry here.

I don't believe you should've aired out her dirty laundry. Although, he has a right to know, it's not your business to tell him. That was a bitchy move on your part. Then again, it depends what she has said about you. What has she been saying??

Do you two live together in your mother's home? If so, I would work on moving out.

Don't say anything further about her, it will make you just as equally immature. Be the bigger person here and ignore your jealous sister. Ignore all snide remarks that come out of her mouth and don't honor her requests. Go on about your life, only tolerating her when it's permitted. Hopefully as she grows older, she'll also grow out of her jealousy.

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