A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for a year and living together for 7 months. We are going to have a child.Just before, I was a little stressed about something and he was asking me questions, trying to help me and I started to raise my voice. I shouldn't have raised my voice, but I was quite upset about the topic.Then he slapped me on the arm.I was shocked, and told him never to do that again. He got agitated and said 'well don't speak to me like that'.I told him I'm not speaking to him until he apologises. We've sat in silence for a few hours now. I'm afraid. He is the best man I have ever known, (that is why I want us to have a family,) but i have never been hit before, not even within the worst relationships. He is so much kinder and so much more gentle than my ex's...so how could he hit me?It didn't hurt, but it was still a hit, like how you would hit a dog. And it made me feel small.Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): REPLY FROM PERSON WHO POSTED THE FIRST MESSAGE:Thank you all for your wonderful adviceLater that day, I sat him down and had a talk. I told him how surprised I was and that it is not acceptable, ever, even if I do raise my voice. He apologised and said he would never do it again.To Kinkyboots reply - we are going to have a child, meaning I am pregnant already. Our relationship is wonderful, we never fight and he is always attentive and gentle and never jealous or possessive. His nature is very calm and easygoing, thats why I was so shocked. I am certain he will be a wonderful father. I really hope that this was just a one off. It is possible, right? Not every little one off slap turns into an abusive relationship??
A
male
reader, Kepi  +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Physical contact like that is not acceptable, ok, maybe he was so frustrated that he slapped your arm to get you to react, but maybe its the start of a continuing situation and it may get out of control.
You are trying to justify his actions, but in truth no-one has a right to hit another person. Of course, we are taking the situation out of context, in that we were not there to see what happened, now I am in no way justifying his actions, but the best thing you can do is sit down and talk with him, don't lay blame, or make it an aggressive situation (rather that saying "you did....." turn it around and say " i was really surprised/scared etc when...") That way you are tellinghim your feelings on the situation not making him feel that you are blaming him (this is a good tip for any arguement... make statements about yourself not the other person)
If, however you are feeling threatened or scared following this incident, do not hesitate to leave, again, do this in a low key way, when he's at work, move out, just back to parrents, friends or whatever. Then if you do meet, make sure it is on neutral ground, a coffee shop or somewhere.
I am sure that if this was just a one off reaction he will be feeling terrible and will try his hardest to make up for his actions, but, be careful that this does not become a regular cycle of events.
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A
female
reader, Aylarsh  +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Just let him know how it made you feel.
Sit him down one day not now but later and just tell him how it made you feel and show him and slap his arm so that he can feel what he did to you. But only demonstrating what he did never hit your other it's wrong and if you feel unsafe at all then leave and get out of this while you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): This may be obvious, but did he do it out of true anger? But, if you don't feel safe defenitly leave him- you should never put yourself around someone you feel uncomforatable with. But i dont know him like you do so i can't really tell. He willl proballly apologize tomorrow or so just bc hes tired of the hostility but wont mean it. make sure he means it.
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