A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner likes to watch me cum or know that i have cum , but I want to ,but can't.I don't believe in faking it.If I spend time on masturbating , I can occasionally but as I am have a very high sex drive surely this should be easy.i don't wan't my partner to think that he has not made me happy.What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyoone
A
female
reader, ayeshaH +, writes (24 July 2011):
it can take an awful lot longer for a woman to cum than a man.
I take a while but you have to be persistant.
while having sex try stimulating the clitoris throughout.
or if you haven't already, try a vibrator. but if hes wants to be the one that wants to make you cum then let him use it on you?
hang in there and be persistant! it will happen!
xx.
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A
male
reader, iluvsox  +, writes (24 July 2011):
Every man and women is different. Some women can produce a lot of fluid down there, others cannot. Either way it is perfectly normal!! The best thing to do is have a talk with your partner and explain that you're just not a woman like that on a regular basis. Be honest. Honesty goes a long way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): This is not your problem, it's his. Educate him that it's not unusual for women not to be able to climax with their partners and that you having an orgasm is not a measure of his manhood nor of the quality of your relationship.
Tell him that you do still enjoy sex with him even if he doesn't make you climax. send him articles on female sexuality so he can be more informed about that and not persist in erroneous beliefs or distorting the importance of making you climax. I mean, if you're OK with not climaxing with him, then he should be OK with it too. It's your orgasm after all!
The fact that he feels like a failure because he can't make you climax, means that he's not really concerned about meeting your needs, rather it's about him and his issues with self esteem. He's using sex as a measure of his self worth and dragging you into his issues with himself which is unfair to you.
It's not your job to make sure he doesn't feel like a failure, it's his job to maintain a healthy self esteem. all you can do is educate him that there's nothing wrong with him and that you do enjoy sex with him, but if beyond giving him that factual information he still insists on believing he's inadequate then he has a problems he needs to deal with on his own and not make it into your problem to prevent him falling apart.
My ex was like this. At first it seemed nice and "chivalrous" that he cared so much about wanting to make sure i could climax too, like he was being a considerate lover. But as time went on it became obvious that it wasn't that he cared about me, it was simply about his tendencies to feel inadequate and his desperate attempts to avoid that, which was difficult for me to prevent because everything made him feel inadequate. And whereas I used to be able to enjoy the other aspects of sex with him, once he started dumping his "I feel like such a failure because of you" issues on me, it made sex completely devoid of intimacy because it was all about his fragile ego and me having to "perform" to make him feel OK about himself, and I found his desperation extremely off putting. plus I resented that just being myself and trying my best still made him feel like a failure.
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