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female
,
*luestream
writes: I have the most wonderful boyfriend of 3 years, and we are still madly in love like when we first met. About 1 and a half years ago, I moved three thousand miles from home to be with him; however, we do not live togther. My boyfriend is fiercly protective of his space- he was not ready to be in a relationship this serious this young and does not want to be married for several more years (even though I do, we're mid-20s)- but he said that he believes I'm the one and to please have patience with him. I trust him 100%, that's not the problem.The problem is that I have no life outside of him. I am not friends with anyone I work with, and I have tried everything to meet people: volunteering, church, online sites, even going to bars. This culture is so different from what I am used to- I dress and talk and do everything completely wrong- and I just haven't made friends even though I had tons at home. I am becoming more and more dependent on my boyfriend, and the more I pull him towards me, the harder he pulls back. I wish that I wanted to give him the space he needs, but I don't, and I'm getting more and more insecure that he won't live with me and that I can't even see us getting engaged in the next few years. If I could make my life all about him, I could get through the few years we have left here, but he cannot accept that. How do I give him his space? How do I cope with being alone so much without blaming him? Do I have to move back home (b/c when I'm with him, I'm SO happy)?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2006): You nee to do what makes you happy! If every aspect of your life is about him, you have nothing that is you and when it ends you'll have lost your identity trying to fit into something that doesn't exist because he's not willing to meet you half way. You made this huge move for him and what has he done for you?....still kept you at a distance! Don't let yourself sink away.....pull yourself together and do what makes you feel good and what will make you happy....if he wants you he will come. And don't convince yoursef that he makes you happy...everything in your message says the opposite and only YOU can make you happy.
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