| A
female
,
*aria
writes: I have a relation online from about 1 year and 9 months...all were pretty good until about 4-5 months in go, when he suddenly change his habits, doesn't answer me to my messages even if he is online, and then tells me that he was not near the computer, and make me wonder what is going on. He keep telling me that I am talking foolish things and is not more then that he is tired and pissed off and need some space. The problem is that I have try to let him more free and don't bother him too often...but seems that when I back off one step he push me for to back off another one...and wonder what is he after? Above that, we use to enjoy some privat moments, and now those are missing from about 6 weeks!And still...he was discuss with me some future matters for the 2 of us not far from 4 days in go, and mention about him coming to see me. And as all to be more bad, one day before yesterday we had a sort of argue, he did not admit that is a reason for his change except his bad mood and that is tired, and yesterday he did not contact me at all, even if he was online. I did not do it either...I did not knew if I should...Now...what should I do? What should I understand from his behave? It is possible as him to be as he said and not try to push me away step by step? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daria +, writes (14 May 2006):
Daria is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDrPsych and Irish49....there is one small problem that (I apologise!) I forgot to mention...I live in one country and he lives in another...and are 2 seas and amount of land between us...and I have took this like an stop between us for the moment for see each other...Above that, we use often the webcam, have seen his home, I saw him, he give me his phone number from home and his mobil phone number....but probably with or without this matters...you both are right.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2006): DrPsych gives wonderful advice, dear. I agree that your 'online' cyberman likely does have a whack of other contacts. You probably are not the only one. This is the sad truth and downsides of the online cyberworld. I am trying to understand why you are emotionally involved and upset, with a man you have never met! You know absolutely nothing about him or his life except the snippets of what he is willing to telling you. One needs to go into their world, meet their friends, families, see how they live and discern whether he is the one for you. How can you be hurt with his lack of contact. There was no future here, because after one year and several months, neither him nor you made the first move to meet 'in real life'. And if no one is willing to 'meet in the real world', you had a relationship with essentially a computer and some text messages. Which makes me wonder why so many women put their hearts on the line and waste precious time/energies on a fantasy. I You are feeling the sad feelings that occur when you open your heart to a man and become emotionally close. But... one usually does this with people who are open to relationships and you have met face to face and spent quality time together. Although he said nice things, you hit it off well...he was an 'illusion' and it sounds like he has moved on to another 'cyberconquest'.
Dear, some online relationships do work out but it's also likely these people have met quickly. But a girl has to be careful..people find it so easy to reinvent themselves online, they often create wonderful new and improved versions of themselves. It really does seem like you may have hooked up with a man who is frivolous and quite likely will never become a "real' factor in your life. One never counts on a man like this for anything, especially love. In the future, take heed.If you meet a potential love interest online, insist on meeting him within the first 4 weeks. Men who want to find the quality relationships usually, want to meet soon after, as well. If your intuition tells you that the guy-of-the-moment seems too good to be true, I'm betting that he is. Trust your instincts. The first indicator of a frivolus man or someone using women online for their own kicks is a guy who 'never' wants to meet you in 'real life'. I think you really need to accept this man has moved on. His lack of interest which has waned, his lack of contact...everything...indicates this. It seems he may have a hollow, joyless person who lives in the 3D world and try to overcompensate for his shortcomings by being romantic and appealing in cyberspace. These men can be emotionally dangerous because they "say the right things" and are likely to promise you everlasting happiness. Just be careful, in the future and consider stepping away from the computer and getting out with friends and meeting nice available men in the real world.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 May 2006):
 This was an online relationship with someone you haven't met in person from what I understand. The problem with online friendships is that the person at the other end of the computer can be everything you want as you only have the opportunity to see what they want to show you - a problem with this sort of thing is that people can lie about who they are, what they want. It is possible he is talking to lots of people (girls) over the net, and some people are chat room addicts etc. It is possible to meet nice people over the net but I rather suspect that if you two were going to meet you would have done it after nearly 2 years of online friendship, and would have an offline relationship. He is asking you to back off, so I advise you to do that...don't contact him at all for a while - your friendship may fizzle out, or he may miss you and recontact you.
...............................
|
