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male
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anonymous
writes: I've started to become attracted to my colleague at work since I've got to know her better. I talk to her quite often and we get on very well. However, I have not dared once consider asking her out as I do not want to jeopardise our friendship if she says no. I have my doubts over whether she would want to date me as she is 4 years older than I am. What should I do?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 July 2006):
 I'd suggest asking her out to join you for lunch, or a coffee after work. Keep it light and superficial, and she'll at least register your interest, without feeling too pressured, and therefore anxious about your working relationship.
If she's interested in coffee or lunch, great! Take things slowly and move from there. If she turns you down more than twice (give her the benefit of the doubt, in case she has a busy schedule), then you have to accept that she doesn't return the interest. Take a deep breath and move on.
The worst thing that can happen with a workmate is that you have a passionate relationship that breaks up, leaving you two to face each other every day, and have to deal with the broken feelings over and over, every day. It happened to me! It's enough to drive a person to look for another job, so keep that in the back of your mind. It's really your biggest risk.
If she's a kind person -- as most of us are -- and isn't interested in your genuine offer to socialise, it won't kill your friendship. You don't have to worry so much about that. It may be awkward for a while if things don't work out to your satisfaction, but you learn to cope and accept it.
If you think you can stand a gentle rejection and still work with her, then give her a try. If you think that even that would ruin your workplace environment, then the whole situation might just be too fraught for you.
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (27 July 2006):
 Some will say that you shouldn't date from work. Yet we are a society that defines ourselves by the work we do, so it makes sense that romance gets intertwined into the whole lot. More romances bloom from work encounters after school/university age then outside activities.
It is best to naturally let it progress. You can always start off casually asking her for a drink or going to lunch together.
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