A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I just posted a question and i forgot to include this: My Mother does not accept the fact that i never had children and that at my age I most likely won't have children. She had my youngest brother at the age of 51 and she is constantly telling me that it is not too late. I really don't want a child at this age. I am too settled in my life to have a child now. For 15 years, I kept telling my self that I will quit working and have a kid next year. It never happened. Mama is in denial; I am the only one of her 11 children without a child. She had her first child at 15 and her last at 51. Her whole life has been children and she doesn't comprehend that I don't want one at the age of 47 (unless it is born at the age of 25 and has finished college) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 February 2008):
 This is very real to me too. I'm 47 and don't have children and don't really want to. And I have a mother who is disappointed in this..."Dear Mom,"I'm writing to talk to you about having or not having children. I'm now 47 years old, and I know you're disappointed that I'm not a mother."The thing is, I have always been ambivalent about having children. If I weren't, I would have had one by now or would be considering adopting one."This is no way reflects upon you or your parenting skills; you were and are a wonderful mother and I love and treasure my childhood and all the sacrifices you made to be a good parent. And I know that you think I'm missing out on something."It's just that I don't really WANT to be a mother or to have a child. I feel rich in my life and have loads of things that I'm interested in and involved with. At this point in my life, I have realized that I will not have children, and that I really don't want to have any."I love being an aunt to my sister(s) and brother(s) children; they are beautiful and precious and I hope I can be a loving inspiration and support to them. I applaud my brother(s) and sister(s) for their dedication to being wonderful parents, just as I applaud your true dedication to your family."It hurts me that you judge me for not having children. It makes me sad to think that you might think less of me for this choice. I don't want to argue any more or spend a lot of time defending my choice. "Yes, some small part of me will miss the experience of being a parent, and will regret not having a small life to tend and nurture. But it is only a small voice inside me. The bigger, more mature part of me, me myself, decided long ago that my life was sufficient and fulfilling as it is, and that children were not not part of the future."I'm sorry if this hurts you, but you loved me as a child, and as an adult, you can respect my choices. I love you for you and for all you've done for us as a family."Please don't continue to question this choice or to belabor me for this. I am happy with who I am and with what I have."All my love."
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Invite her over to talk about this specific subject. Sit down and explain it clearly - say you want to speak and not be interrupted. She must listen. Tell her that you know that you will not be changing your mind and it is hurting your feelings her keep going on and on about it because you are feeling as if the person you really are is not good enough - and yet you are happy - so where is the problem? Say that you don't want the subject raised again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Share some facts with her. She was lucky to have a healthy child at 51, many are not so lucky. Good luckOlder mothers face an increased risk of miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death. Because your eggs age along with all the other cells in your body, they are more likely to have chromosomal problems than the eggs of a younger woman, according to Ottawa, Canada obstetrician Andree Gruslin. Older mothers are more likely to become pregnant with multiples. The risk of conceiving more than one baby increases with age, even if you're not taking fertility drugs. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, women over the age of 45 are 10 times as likely to become pregnant with multiples as women in their 20s. Older mothers are more likely to develop certain types of pregnancy-related complications. These complications include diabetes, pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure), placenta previa, placental abruptions, preterm delivery and intrauterine growth retardation. And, according to a study reported in the January 1999 issue of Obstetrics and Gynecology, a woman who is 40 years or older when she gives birth to her first child is almost four times as likely to develop gestational diabetes as a woman in her 20s. Older mothers may have some age-related health conditions which could make their pregnancies more difficult to manage. Such conditions include hypertension, cardiovascular disease and diabetes. Older mothers are more likely to require cesarean deliveries. One study found that women over the age of 44 are 7.5 times as likely to require a cesarean delivery as younger women. http://pregnancyandbaby.com/pregnancy/baby/Pregnancy-after-40-37.htm
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (12 February 2008):
 You sound exactly like me. I am 41, almost 42 to be truthful and at this time in my life, I do not wish to give birth to any child. Had I been married or even with someone "I thought" the possiblities might have been there, well, at least before 35, I would have considered. Now, I feel very "comfortable" with my life, and there is no way I could handle having one now, even if he wanted one. I can only say that as long as you are happy, that is what matters most now. My Mom has passed away, and I know that she would have loved to see and hold a child that I would have had...however, it just didn't work out that way. I am divorced still and was then when she passed. Your mother, sounds very old fashioned....stay at home and have kids and the hubby at work and brings home the paycheck type. Now, if she worked, more power to the woman and she should be praised. It's very hard to get her to understand, and truthfully, you probably will never. She is more then likely very set in her ways and in thinking. The best I can suggest is just telling her that you do not want to have any..period..case closed. I know that you may have already said this to her, but letting her know that you do not want to bring this subject up again...well, maybe she just might not. And I understand totally about the already grown and finished college...my thoughts exactly!
Have a wonderful life, and be happy...that should be what matters to you most. Good Luck with your Mom and God Bless!
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