A
female
age
36-40,
*ama kk
writes:im married traditionally, my husbnd doesnt work. i live with him and his mom. his mom is so bossy that she controls him more than anyone. he is now so dependent on her that he cant find a job. how do i get him to trust me more than he trusts her. is it fair that she is trying to rule our lives bcos she is the one who pays the bills, or am i being selfish and ungreatful to the woman who is paying the bills? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): You are not being selfish and ungrateful. It is unhealthy for a mother to keep controlling her son, even after he is married! (Unfortunately it happens a lot.) I don't understand why he is "so dependent on her that he can't find a job". What is actually stopping him from finding a job? Is his mother planning to support you both (and your kids later) financially as long as she lives?This is an issue your husband should deal with, because she is his mother after all. If she is religious she will known that 'A man will LEAVE his father and mother and CLEAVE to his wife' It's not a question of whether he "trusts" you more than he "trusts" her, but he is the head of his own new family now, and he needs to let her know that. Of course, becoming financially independent would be the first step.
A
female
reader, MamaBear  +, writes (28 April 2011):
Surely you knew this woman was somewhat bossy prior to your marriage, didn't you? I do not know how you can expect to have your husband trust you more than his mother, as she has been in the picture a very long time. What do you contribute to household expenses? I would assume that she feels, since she pays the bills, you two can live by her rules. My suggestion is for you and your husband to try and move out and be on your own - and the sooner, the better! I doubt very much that she will change so you will have to do some changing, which may not be so easy! But for you two young people to make your marriage work, you will need to change the scenario.
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