A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. Ill get straight to it. Ive been dating this gorgeous guy for a year now, he treats me like an angel and is smart and funny.. only thing is, he has NO confidence in the bedroom! Wat can i do to make him feel more cmfortable? Im thinking he might be a virgin, even tho he's had other gf's before. And i think he's intimidated by the fact i went out with a few more guys than him. Im crazy about this guy, i want to see him satisfied in the bedroom tho. i think he worries about satisfying me too much, that he cant stay hard enough for penetration. i know he's loosing sleep over this aswell... Any advise would be greatly appreciated :)
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female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Great, keep us posted :) Most of all, Enjoy yourself!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow thanks for the advise guys! Dazed-confused u had some great points, ill defo try to up his confidence more and try create non-presure situation :)Cerberus thanks for the advise lol i tried this before, but i wasnt dominating enough i don think.. yeah i think its time to just ravage him, ive NEEDS!!!! Thanks for the advise, ill let u know how it goes ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): my fiance WAS a virgin when i met him and was had self esteem issues and very unconfident with himself.. he was very afraid i would think his body was ugly or that he was no good at all
he is a very good looking man.. in my opinion
his body drives me crazy.. yea sure he sucked at first but it got better and i told him that.. i tell him every time he do have inter course that he is amazing at it and his body is amazing and that has seemed to really boost his self esteem
my advice is to just tell him how sexy he is and tell him how you like it or show him even
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused +, writes (18 August 2010):
Cerberus definitely has a point there about just going for it....that will definitely be hot for both of you.
When I say take it slow, that is a good way of building the sexual tension until it just gets to the point where he forgets everything else. To me, it seems that his problem is over thinking and if you make things so hot by slowly building things up in a non-threatening way, he'll just get to the point where he want to just go at it and will be too "excited" to think about it.
You're seducing him without being obvious. There are definitely times where you will want to just jump him and that is a good way to do it too.
Mix it up...and enjoy it! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Let me just add, that seeing that he can drive you wild without having to do anything but just lie there and be him, should give him a confidence boost.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Dazed~confused has some interesting points but her most important one in my mind is you take the lead. I disagree with the slow and easy approach though, you've obviously been intimate a number of times by now and they've most likely been slow and easy.
Perhaps it's just time to grab him and f**k him, seriously if his problem is over-thinking things then don't give him a chance to think. Just ravage him.
Perhaps he's the kind of guy that likes to be dominated. Even if he's not, having a girl take the lead and just maul us really is a great feeling.
Next time your getting intimate with him just pin him down and rip off his clothes and go to work on him. The biggest pressure we guys have is that we're expected to take the lead and every single one of us wants to be the best you've ever had, and for some guys that can lead to too much pressure.
It can be very satisfying and intensely gratifying for a girl to just use us and our bodies to get herself off without having to do anything but lie back and let her go wild.
Seriously it's win-win, you said he likes to satisfy you, then just take him, don't worry about his satisfaction while doing this he will get pleasure from it.
Sometimes there's a time to go slow, easy and sensual, but then there are also times when you have to throw romance to the wind and just f**k his brains out.
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused +, writes (18 August 2010):
This is a tricky one because if you bring it up it will make him feel even more uncomfortable.
I've come across this one or two times, and sometimes it boils down to bad experiences in the past and trust.
You need to create no pressure situations. If he is always the one to initiate it, then you should try every once in a while.
Get him in the mood slowly...give him kisses here and there throughout the time you spend together. Give him a back rub or shoulder rub while you are together. The key though, is to make it as natural as possible. No pressure, just let it flow. It also doesn't always have to lead to sex.
When you are together, compliment him...not just on his looks, but on things you like about him. You want him to feel as comfortable around you as possible, so let him know what you appreciate about him. Tell him what you appreciate about him...again just drop these little compliments here and there, make them natural.
As he gets more comfortable around you and knows that you aren't going to judge him in anyway, you'll be surprised how he opens up in the bedroom.
When you guys are intimate, tell him what you liked afterwards. Lay your head on his shoulder, give him a kiss and say "I really loved....." (I would wait until afterwards b/c if he is nervous performing, even if you say something positive, he may get nervous again)".
Basically, you have to build up his confidence leading up to things, and reaffirm it afterwards. When he is feeling confident, then you two can start exploring what you both like.
Good luck!
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