A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am currently 19 and I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. I have noticed she is an extremely stressed out person. Everything seems so hard for her to do because it usually requires her to complain a little or anger her. As our relationship has progressed I have confronted her multiple times about her problem, she is well aware of it, and she blames it on her mother whom she claims is also a ball of stress. Every time something like a test or an event that requires a lot of work she gets extremely stressed out and she takes it out on me and I am not happy with that. Besides that our relationship is great. But I don't want her to act that way towards me and I explain to her that her stress won't help her accomplish anything in life except sickness..which she has already had stress related illnesses. Her hair falls out, her immune system is weak, she has stress balls (I forget the proper medical term but her doctor told her they were a result from excessive stress).I do my best to plan things out for her so that she won't procrastinate or have to be stressed out but she always finds ways to avoid my help and she always ends up stressed out. I want to help her but I feel like its pointless...what can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (14 October 2010):
 I know it might sound weird, but that's her defense mechanism. Being stressed out, feeling miserable about not being able to accomplish certain tasks that require more effort is part of her. When someone's trying to help her, she'd turn it down, because she'd drop being herself. I'm not saying she's a masochist or anything, but I do believe that she's got so used to be stressed out, that it reprezents her and this won't change (at least not over night). She thinks she should do things herself, with no external help, because she's insecure about how things will end up if she's gonna stop strugling or leave you (or somebody else) do the job for her. Encouraging her won't help, it's an old pattern.
A
male
reader, BigRuss  +, writes (14 October 2010):
A question,
Do you find you are spending all your time, energy and thought on her.
That you are begining to lose who you are, your not going out anymore etc.
These ocurrances of 'Stress' are increasing
She is taking in lot more out on you than she did before ie the intensity of the 'event' is greater but lasts the same length of time.
Does she feel like the perfect woman for you, regardless.
If the answer is YES to all of the above, you probably have already had her screaming in your face, toe to toe or she may have already hit, punched or kicked you. She may have already said she works better when she's stessed.
If so ... RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND KEEP RUNNING AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!
If the anwser is NO then there is nothing you can do for her, she has to find her way of coping with what she is doing and that MUST NOT be at YOUR EXPENSE!!
I'm afraid there is no easy answer, but she has to stand on her own two feet.
Don't go soft, stay strong and if she does not find her way and you see yourself becoming her crutch, leave her.
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A
female
reader, JavaJade22 +, writes (14 October 2010):
 My boyfriend is going through the same thing. I am also a ball of stress and I have a habit on taking it out on my boyfriend. I can promise you its not on purpose. She just feels like she can let go around you. I understand how hard this must be for you, my boyfriend has told me multiple times that my incapabilities to handle stress is wearing him down. The only thing I can advise you to do is hang in there. be positive and when she starts stressing out, tell her to relax. Stroke her hair and give her a big hug to calm her down.
But make sure you stop shoving her illness in her face, it'll only stress her out more. Be positive, be calming and be supportive. If you constantly nag, you'll become another reason for her stress.
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