A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok - where to start. In 1995 I feel in love with the girl I was dating. We went out for about a year before she ended it. She wanted to be friends and I respected that, but I did send her letters at first saying I love you, and regardless of where life takes me, I will always be here for you if you ever change your mind.A couple years went by and she never gave me the time of day. I was with zero women during this time and she didn't sleep with any men.(more on that later) I ended up getting really lonely, and I ended up being in a tight spot for roomates, so I moved in with a girl I had been friends with since early high school. The girl I moved in with started to like me. I still had strong feelings for the other woman still, but she never showed interest and slowly but surely the friend I lived with and I became closer and eventually we slept together and we pretty much a thing. We didn't live together that long, and dated afterwards still. In 1999, the girl I was still in love with had not given me the time of day up to this point. The girl I was dating wanted to move to a different state, to a new city, and she asked if I would come with. I was so heart broken that the girl I was in love with had gotten over me so completely that I said yes. We moved moved across the country together.About a year after I moved, the girl I was in love with started to write me letters. Asking if I thought about her, things like that. I would always reply Yes I do! I never stopped thinking aobut you! But she never really followed through on it, and it had bothered me that she finally decided to talk to me AFTER I'm so heart broken that I moved across the country to try to forget her.A year or two later the girl I still loved also moved away from her hometown. She would write me occasionaly but it was always very friendly, and she had long ago made it clear she only wanted to be friends, and I respected that. I didn't want to tell her how I felt and scare her away. I was so happy that she was at least writing me once a year and I didn't want to mess that up. Eventually the girl I moved with and I split up because she wanted to get married and inside I knew I still loved this other girl, and that would be very very uncool of me to do. So that ended.around 2006. In fall of 2008 my old love started emailing me all the time. I was sooooooo happy. We starting talking for hours every day and one night while she was out drinking she texted me that she loved me. And I nearly died because it was what I had always wanted. So long story short, we are now back together, well as together as you can be when 2000 miles apart.If you are still reading, here is the part I am struggling with. She lived in a small resort town for her entire 20s. I was with 1 person after her during all that time. She was with many more. But she claims that during all this time that she still had feelings for me. Now I am so confused because if she had feelings for me, why didn't she ever once during all those years drop me a solid hint. She had no trouble hooking up with other men for short flings, but never with me.Now she tells me she wants to get married and spend her life with me. But I am having a very very hard time moving on and forgetting about all those years she didn't want me. She doesn't have much patience, and says she thought I was over her. But she knew I wasn't! so we fight. she tells me I have to accept it if we are going to be together. But I am having a hard time trustng that she won't break my heart again when she gets bored in a year.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): i am not underatnding the apparent love of your life.i actually think the second girl was your one true love. she respected you , this one didn't.she loved you, this one .......i question her.for so many years she did not give a shit about you, f*cked other men..........and now just expect you to not question her. for all these years she had nothing to do with you, she knew how you felt but still she did not care. what has now changed her mind........is she tired od f*cking everyone else and is now settling for you. love, what love. he doesn't know the first thing about love. she used your feeling, she did not spare your feelings at all.what do you love about her. you had more time with the other girl you were staying with. she seemed to be your frien, your lover and i think she definately loved you. it's sad you broke her heart after all these years. yes, you were a selfish bastard but at least after 2006 this girl could move on. i am hoping that she has found someone to love her the way she should be loved. TOTALLY and uncompromisingly. you "stole" a few years from her by being with her, staying and sleeping with her but not being with her completely. your present gf (who is so selfish and self centered) has won the jackpot with you. what makes her so special.from whatever i have read your partner in life should have been the one you ended your relationship with. sad that you didn't choose her. (you were madly in love with this old/new gf. this girl did not want you. your second gf was madly in love with you, and you did not want her.i think you now feel how the second gf felt. loving someone that doesn't deserve to be loved)since 1995 this girl abused your feelings. you are now just so happy to be with her even though she treated you like shit. you had a chance to be happy with girl # 2 but chose to end it. i think you gave up someone special. and this second one was the real one. How wrong am I ??
A
female
reader, bellaaddison +, writes (11 May 2009):
I honestly don't know why you are so hung up on her "PAST". You obviously carried a great deal of admiration and devotion for her into your years of waiting, and that was YOUR choice. She obviously had to live her life the way she chose. Perhaps she wasn't sure exactly what she felt for you while you were apart?? Maybe she wasn't being disrespectful or neglectful to you, but in fact, was doing you a favor- as she grew up. She had to experience what life/men, etc. were and decide for herself what matters most to her. Now, she's come back. She wants a solid future with you. Obviously, throughout those years she was able to come to terms with what she wants from life and that's YOU. Don't let your insecurity or idea of what she should of been doing or NOT doing interfere with what you two have now. The truth of the matter is that you were not a couple during those times... you tried to move on, she obviously did too, but clearly neither one of you were able to. THAT truth is the ONLY truth that matters. Leave the past alone or you'll likely alter your future.
Take care and take notice of what you have TODAY!
Much love
Bella
xoxo
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A
female
reader, Ms.Helper  +, writes (11 May 2009):
 That's a very sticky situation!You must be a bloody good guy to have had 2 women want to marry you!So, basically, your old love is back with you after ignoring you for years/or showing little interest - the could have done this to try to prove to herself that she was over you/getting over you. Maybe you just had a different way of 'getting over her' which was with your flat mate. When she says you need to accept new past (while you were apart) if your going to have a good relationship now is a fair point. You do need to accept it if you think she's worth it. It'll be hard, thinking about one point where she didn't want you, but maybe all that time it was just a test to see if you would chase (spelling?) her, to see if she meant that much to you. If you think about it, she didn't really have contact with you for years, maybe because she didn't care, but now she's telling you she wants to spend the rest of her life with you! Go for it! If your so in love with her and can't marry someone else because you are STILL in love with her then at least try to make things work! :)Good luck! x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Hmm to be honest I do respect you for not doing anything with anyone else apart from this one girl you thought you may love after all that time for that girl you did love.She treated you horribly playing with your feelings. She probably only slept with other men because she was single and because she broke up with you first and then didnt contact you at all apart from a few times she certainly acts as though youve broken up for serious. I wouldnt blame her for doing that and would forget about it because she was single and she was obviously not that into you at the time.However she may have changed her mind by now and wants to be with you again especially as she wants to get married now.i think you need to be happy that you have finally got her again and forget about the past sleepings with men. She was single and you did go with other person as you were single.Realise she did nothing wrong and neither did she. dont blame her. yes you may feel hurt she didnt wait for you as you did for her however you were in love with her and she wasnt for you. im sorrygood luck thoughx
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