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My husband seems far too emotionally attached to his ex-wife! What can I do?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 September 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 4 May 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, *eelee1222 writes:

I have been married a little over a year, but we have been together for 8 years.He has this emotional relationship with his ex wife that drives me nuts and when we speak about it he gets very defensive, he is also recovering in and out alcoholic.She gets me sick they have 2 kids together.I cant say one thing about her without him getting defensive.And when he goes out on his runs of not coming home all night you make sure he will call her whether it be for support or what.She calls him or visa versa when I leave for work.And will have 10 min conversations.Meanwhile when I call him its "I cant talk Im busy, short and sweet. I just dont know how to handle it.

Any ideas?

View related questions: alcoholic, ex-wife, his ex

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A female reader, ladydi_2004 United States +, writes (4 May 2010):

Hello. I am in the same boat you are in. My husband has an emotional connection to his ex but he doesn't think he does. We have fights almost every time she calls. Last night for instance, she called and left a message about some phone call she received about a past due bill that they had together. He waited until I was outside to call her. I saw him in the window sitting in his chair just chit chatting away. He came outside and didn't mention it so I asked what she wanted. He gets upset every time I ask him anything about money or bills but he couldn't wait to call her and talk to her about her problem. I asked did you talk to your kids? He said no. That really pissed me off. I've told him how it bothers me and he still does it. I'm glad to find someone who has the same problem I do. I was beginning to think I was crazy or something. She depends on him too much for things. They have been divorced for 5 years but she is still single. Maybe someone can offer us some advice. I thought about going to counseling to deal with it but unless he admits what he's doing bothers me, I don't know how this will get resolved.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008):

You need to sit him down and have a serious talk AGAIN!This

is far too inappropriate.Tell him how you feel.Do whatever

you need to have your voice heard and the message clear.

Whether it be taking his phone and all communications to her

from him while you're talking.When he has his phone and he

says he's busy,keep talking to him until he hangs up.Don't

take "I'm busy" as a decent answer.Or you could move out for

a while and see how it affects him and see if he notices how

much it's a problem to you.I hope I helped and wish you the

best with getting through to your husband.

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