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My husband never admits he's wrong

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 July 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 9 November 2009)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

for years i have had a problem with my husband. if he says something to me that might insinate that i did something wrong I will alway give him an excuse and can never admit it they I did do something wrong. it is mostly because in my mind I really don't feel it was wrong and when he tells me I did it pisses me off and I get him so mad he yells, throws things and rants and radges. I then just sit there tight liped and just keep quiet. I am saying to myself ok hurry up and fininsh this ranting. and he even know I am thinking that and says it. I want to so bad say yes that is what I am thinking but I say nothing because I really just want it to end, this happens at least once every couple of months and I always go and say I am sorry that that happened because I know that is what he wants me to say. I think it is his tone of voice that really gets me to say the things I say. He is a great guy don;t get me wrong but I am not the only one that has this problem with him, my daughters do also. He really thinks he is never wrong and it is just not possible to make an argument with him because this will always happen and it is just not a good thing. He always tells me I need help. I need a process that will stop me from going down that road of making excuses and find a way to just admit what he has said is a good idea or right and not make any comment about a reason why I can't do it or it wont work ect. We have been married for 37 years so it is not something new it has happened many times in those years. I really don't think I can stop doing it although I am better at stoping it before it starts even thought it still does happen. Is it me or what??

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009):

You asked: is me or what? It is not YOU, for you are not responsible for his behavior. Do not apologize to him for "making him mad", for it is his choice how he will react. After 36 years, you know he won't change, but you can change by not accepting this behavior. Tell him it won't be tolerated, period. Since you live in the U.S. there are rules against domestic violence. You should wake up and and take action to be in a better place, or with a nicer person. If you're afraid of him, you should get counseling, reach out, do not witness his acts of violence, make decision for yourself as to how much more of this you will tolerate. You say he is a great guy, but are you sure? Just trying to help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009):

You asked: is me or what? It is not YOU, for you are not responsible for his behavior. D

o not apologize to him for "making him mad", for it is his choice how he will react.

After 36 years, you know he won't change, but you can change by not accepting this behavior. Tell him it won't be tolerated, period. Since you live in the U.S. there are rules against domestic violence.

You should wake up and and take action to be in a better place, or with a nicer person. If you're afraid of him, you should get counseling, reach out, do not witness his acts of violence, make decision for yourself as to how much more of this you will tolerate.

You say he is a great guy, but are you sure?

Just trying to help.

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