A
female
age
51-59,
*moothCoffee64
writes:I've been married for 6 years now, and I'm having trouble getting my husband to be romantic. I have to tell him special days and holidays are coming up just to give him hints. This drives me crazy knowing that he's not thoughful at all. Our anniversary was a few months back and we stayed home and did nothing.It's always like this. I love him, but I want a man that's more thoughtful and romantic. What can I do or say for him to change?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): From a man’s point of view, it is likely your husband is not romantic for one of three main possibilities.The first being that he doesn’t know how to or is not comfortable putting together all the subtle elements that go into being romantic. The second possibility is that he feels overwhelmed by time/family/work pressures. The last consideration is that he doesn’t WANT to be romantic – in other words, meet your emotional needs. The good news is that in my experience of operating a website helping men meet their wife’s romance and emotional needs is that 99% of all romantically challenged husbands fall into the first two categories. If you husband is among the 1% in the last category, you need to seek professional marriage counseling.The question you (as well as many other women) are asking is, how do you make your husband be more romantic? Well, the truth is, you can’t. Start nagging and you are doomed. Your husband will start romancing you when two conditions are met – he is comfortable with process and recognizes the importance romance plays in a relationship.You are probably shaking your head and wondering, who is not comfortable being romantic? The answer, a very significant number of men. I don’t know if it is nature (genetics) or nurture (the way little boys are raised). Many husbands just do not have the ability to pick up on the hundreds of understated details that go into making an emotional connection. Not every man has a romantic inner child struggling to be set free. Don’t believe it? Try this on for size. Pick something you are unfamiliar with – say, rebuilding a 1969 Chevrolet Corvette – and try to release your inner mechanic.The second possibility is that time, family and work pressures just don’t allow your husband to focus adequately. Because of the pace at which we all live our lives, everything becomes a tradeoff of time. Absolutely nothing I am writing is intended to be an excuse for your husband. It is critically important that each partner’s needs are fulfilled – in the way they want them to be fulfilled. There is good news (or else I wouldn’t have taken the time to write this novel). Many resources are available to your husband that can significantly improve the romance in your relationship. Some really incredible websites provide romantic ideas and suggestions by email. A few full-featured sites even provide reminders of important dates and anniversaries. Many are completely free. Do a quick search for “Romantic Outsourcing” (include the quotes) to see where your husband would feel most comfortable. Here is a tip; No pink fluffy flower filled sites.I recommend that you sign your husband up to receive romantic tips and suggestions, and even complete some of the reminders. Afterward, send him a brief message letting him know how important romance is to you. Don’t nag or complain, just a positive letter. This will work if you give it a try.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Was he like this before you married him? Most likely I'll bet. You married the guy. Those types of things must not be that important to him.If he was romantic before you married him, then something is wrong.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, SmoothCoffee64 +, writes (10 January 2009):
SmoothCoffee64 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks, everyone for your help.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 January 2009):
 You are starting to build resentment. You must let him know what you need. You have to take him by the hand, sit down and spell it out to him. He has to understand completely that you are serious. If he won't, you'll have to talk to someone else, perhaps a therapist. This is the first step toward a bad marriage. Be thankful you've discovered a weak point in the marriage and fix it.
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