A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am happily married to my husband of 7 years and our relationship continues to grow from strength to strength.He is kind, professionally successful and has a brilliant sense of humour. The problem is he has no friends and even though he doesn't complain about it too much, I know he is lonely. We spend a lot of time together and enjoy that but he would like to have other people to call friends. It sometimes gets him down when he has only family to invite to our parties and celebrations. He is also an only child so he has a small family.He is rather reserved, the type of man who would rather sit in silence than have small talk. He is also quite self-conscious so when he does have something to contribute to group conversations he is more worried about how he comes across. This obviously means his personality and sense of humour don't really shine through.I really want to help him because it hurts me to see how it gets him down. I'm not looking to change him as I think he's such a wonderful man and I am proud to have him as my partner in life. I'm looking for ideas about how a reserved person can meet similar people and expand his social circle. Thank you in advance for your suggestions. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015): Volunteer work usually has structure to it which makes it less intimidating socially. Since you're in the USA, you could try Habitat for Humanity or look up short term volunteer gigs on One Brick at a Time.
It's good that he has you there to warm up the socializing & bring up topics to expand on & make connections. It'd be good to have his social type there too, others who are a bit quiet, yet willing to engage.
Also, try the activities site, Meet Up. com..
I think that some activities are more attractive to us based on where we are on the intro/extrovert spectrum. This is a big generalization, but I think many introverts might gravitate to the outdoors, bookish things, plants/gardening, etc. Some extroverts maybe go toward team or spectator sports, parties, ... and there's lots of overlap, like enjoying (or not) animals, movies, etc. And, of course, we're more complicated that just extro or intro & even that varies w/in one life time. To grow socially, he probably needs more contact with people who have his interpersonal style, whom he can communicate with comfortably, & who have similar interests.
May we all be socially blessed as we go along in life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): Thank you so much for taking the time to help out all you lovely people. We'll pick up hobbies and join more community events.
Warmest wishes for 2015 :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): Well it sounds like you have friends. Do your friends have husbands? Are your friends his friends too? I guess by default they are. Parties and celebrations might not be his thing, where his comfort level is. Could you arrange hosting like a poker night at your house once a week? I suggest this because guys usually tend to bond when doing "guy" stuff. Maybe ask your friends husbands and your male neighbors, whatever guys you know, to come over for a night of poker. Guys love stuff like this. You could set the whole thing up, buy like a poker set. Set it up in the basement for optimal "guy" privacy, buy them some beers and let them play. Make it a regular thing. Guys also bond during sports. Playing sports releases endorphins that will make him feel good and probably less shy. Set up a golf outing with your friends. But you go off with the girls, meanwhile your husband goes off with the boys. Tennis is also a fun sport that encourages bonding. You two could play doubles against another couple. You could even sign him up for a double's game with three other guys. Just make a habit of encouraging activities that he enjoys or would enjoy that would surround him with other guys. That's a good start, in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (11 January 2015):
 Do you have kids?
Do you have a job jn which you can invite couples from work over?
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A
female
reader, lisa marie  +, writes (11 January 2015):
Its sounds like your husband has lost his confidence.dont worry so much when he's ready he will make friends .some times patients and baby steps are the best approach.it's harder for men to admit there lonely .it also sounds like your husband may be a bit depressed you should suggest to him to see a doctor as they could arrange some sort of self cofident therapy .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): It's nice to read your husband has such a caring wife like you. :) I would suggest starting any hobby together, in that way you can maybe help him to get to know other people who share his interests.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): Shouldn't your husband be the one writing this post? Do you have children?
If he is a successful professional and has a great sense of humor, his charm should attract make people gravitate toward him. Financial success gives him unlimited access to sporting clubs, and leisure organizations for professionals.
You both should attend town hall meetings to familiarize yourself with your neighbors. Serve on various committees offering your special talents and expertise where you can be useful outside your workplace. Attend fundraising events and mingle with other couples. Invite them over. Network among other young professionals in your fields of work.
If he has no friends, it would follow that your own social circle of friends must be limited. Most married-couples share friendship with other married-couples.
If he is introverted, the challenge he must overcome is being reclusive. Allow others to get to know him. If he is subdued around people; nobody will notice him. People don't bother to approach the wallflower at a party or event. They assume these people are weird, or just want to be left alone.
You sometimes have to entertain and warm up to people to show you're friendly and approachable.
Have you both considered taking art classes or gourmet cooking classes together? It will expose you to interesting creative people. Go to lectures and get tickets to self-help seminars. Reach-out to your neighbors.
You both seem to be somewhat isolated in your own world. Your girlfriends don't have husbands? Does he ever invite his colleagues, former schoolmates and their wives over for barbeques or cocktail parties?
His problem is reaching out to people, not people reaching out to him. You don't mention if he has any hobbies, interests, or talents. I would assume he's content with being isolated, and you're really the one who needs friends. It's odd that you're the only one who seems to appreciate how great his personality is. No one else is aware of what a great guy he is? Reserved people are lonely people; because they're reserved. He doesn't need to be around similar people. He needs to be around outgoing friendly people.
He may need a professional life coach to help him with his interactive and social skills.
You are leaving out a ton of stuff. I have to speculate that he has a social disorder that makes him socially awkward, withdrawn, and he purposely avoids people.
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