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My girlfriend cries... And cries... And cries...

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Question - (7 September 2005) 17 Answers - (Newest, 17 September 2013)
A male , anonymous writes:

i think my girlfrend crys too much, i want to have more sympathy but i find it hard. I realised that my sympathy ran out when she was crying because she was ill and she 'dident have time to be ill'. Surely no one has time to be ill? and crying will make you feel worse. This is just a typical example of things she gets upset about. I think im being very cold and looking down on her, what do i do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013):

Hi, I wanted to comment on the situation of having a girlfriend who cries too much. (Some might throw fits, but not all - and no this will not count for every situation. But I am a woman who cries too much (my own opinion) - and I will spill the beans on how-come. But first - really people, as stupid as some of this will seem - if there are tears - there is reason and even if it was nothing in your eyes (even in my own), there still were tears. Ok enough with that.. I was saying to not to ignore the evident emotional distress.. now to the point.)

What can make me cry, examples: I feel like to hug my man and he shakes my hand off (while sleeping). People do that when they are asleep and feel the arm on them heavy or too warm. When my man told me - simply out of honesty - that some of his co-workers told him that he could fuck the new girl working there now. (Gosh they said that! Yes I cried - but not immediately, the next morning, because he just wanted to sleep the night before and I wanted to cuddle, especially after hearing that. He did hug me really nice, but.. actually I would have wanted to make love because - well, excuse me but he is my man - and I want him to desire me.) Yes he also told me that he said to them he is not interested in some new girl. I love him for that.

But that moment had other layers. I a big woman, yes I really feel beautiful sometimes in front of him. I adore the way he looks at me.. I love it so much.. I need him to look at me like that all the time. That is when I am not insecure. Only, then I was insecure hearing what he told because it sounded a bit like his co-workers was saying to him that he could have someone better. That is what people do when they see that someone they know is with a big woman (not extremely huge) - well they start trying to show the 'better options'. It is not even planed, I think they would ask the him if she was not pretty, even if I was thinner. I have physical disability so I can't just go out to run it off. But that aside - I started really need his attention on me and my body and at this point my explanation will seem to you like there are two threads that do not match? I assure you - the both ways to fell and think are there, are really real. It is an argument inside me.

Then this morning I cried more because he took me into his arms. I think its the best feeling ever on earth to have his arms around me - so I felt so good that I cried. So I will cry if I feel like he did not want to touch me (because he had something on his mind) - and also I have cried during an orgasm - because it too felt so very nice and CLOSE. You see - an argument.

Well that should be a short example of this.

I can read my own sensitivity apart from things he does not do to hurt me. That is often the trouble - feeling hurt, when no-one did anything really to make you hurt. But because there likely is some reason to have created the insecurity - it becomes bigger issue, with much more threads inside you.. with questions like: 'He does not want to touch me? I am not attractive enough? or something and so on..' Stupid thing is - privately I could not care if I looked like a hairless baboon. But DO I need to feel attractive to him, the views of others I don't care shit about. To you girls - in front of my man I do not need to ask if my butt is too big in some jeans.. its big - he likes that. That is it - but then there is that hideous past with claws like a monster under a child's bed.

The thing is - in my past there were people who enjoyed hurting me. I think my brain has learned to get hurt.

So the feeling of being accepted by my man has a million arguments against it. I do not feel the need to go to buy some cream to fight some wrinkles - lol. That is really besides the point. If I got a few grey hairs - great I will look 'respectable' or what ever. It is not even really about being attractive in visual sense - but about being wanted and feeling close.

The moment when we are close are such.. precious and delicate in my point of view - as though the whole world was made of glass. Beautiful chandelier of most exquisite glass crystals that hang on a thread and the whole world out there seems to want to just cut it. I have found love and happiness and I feel overpowering need to protect it - to create the loving moments to assure it will last.

I really do think that he wants to remain with me - but I do not much trust the way the world treats me. I actually look at him separate from the world.. well I know it all sounds crazy. The point here is that true effort he puts into caring about me, even with my sensitivity. His love is visible and evident like the kisses on my hands. But inside me there are these.. idk what else to call them.. but emotional micro climates - when the monsters from the past reach to try to pull me down.

So my tears are not born from his creation, but fears I have. Oh and let me add this - even people who are not extensively sensitive are more or less scared about loosing that what is the best part of their life. EVERY ONE IS. Only, for someone who is extensively sensitive - that fear multiplies. And the nice fact is that it is not at all always the spouse who is to blame.

About a week ago I had a dream that I was trying to call my man on phone even after he was dead. I was really disturbed about the idea of him dying.. so I think that started this time of sensitivity.

Well idk if this all will help anyone. But I hope it will give insight to how it works in the minds of some of us. I generally explain to my man about my feelings as much as I can - but leave out the parts that might sound like I blaming him. I do tell him if he did something stupid for real - but I wont burden him with the way he turns while he sleeps.

It is not a fast path to get to the point where you can tell on your own that some feeling is born from too much fears. Unnecessary fears. It is due to my man that I mostly can.. even though the emotions still run strong enough to make the tears. It is much much more hard to over again, simply try to remember this about your past, things that people did to you and thus gain control over your reactions.

I also have troubles to show anger, in me anger turns into tears and anger against me. Maybe its good my parents taught me its childish to express it like some explosion. I think that has saved my man from extensive outbursts. But in all - I am trying to say that - in my case the tears will likely never vanish. But they are very well received. My man is the fort of comfort. I only wish I found better ways to make it easier for him.. as he too has emotions - he too is sensitive. But I think it is due to his sensitivity that I am actually very well loved in middle of this all.

The world does not fall of it's track if he fell a sleep instead of making a moment to cuddle.. even if it does seem to shake and shiver at times.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011):

I feel for ya bro, same boat. But you just gotta be patient and listen to try to understand them. I think males in general are raised differently, we're not encouraged to show or even acknowledge our own emotions so it's sometimes hard to get why your girl might be upset over something you would shrug off.

It's important not to overreact to her overreaction (haha weird i know), but right then when she's crying you can make the most difference for her. And talking about how you feel helps too, maybe not you (god knows guys just go get a beer together lol), but it helps her understand where you're coming from too.

Gluck man

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011):

omg same here bro. my girlfriend cries everyday and its usually over things that wouldnt make me even change in mood. sometimes we find people who can find the smallest things the end of the world.

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A female reader, cyndylu United States +, writes (12 May 2011):

I am a girlfriend that cries when my bf gets mad, or i feel like im annoying him or because of an argument, i start to cry. Its not because I want to do it on purpose its because i can't control it.Its upseting to me that i can't control it, i want to.. but i can't!! i try to but the water works just come out, And when that happens my bf looks mad and annoyed and frustrated.. i wish i could stop i really do..the last thing i want to do is upset him and lose bf:( i really love him:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011):

My girlfriend feels the same way. we've been together for 2 years and when her hero Patrick Swayze died she cried for two weeks she wanted me to stay with her. Now there's a bad storm in our area and the winds are supose to get to 40 mph and she thinks there's gonna be a tornado and shes really scared and crying so I hold her kiss her and tell her I love her tell her its gonna be ok .

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010):

One way to make your girlfriend to stop crying is to HUG her. Don't do it too much or she'll get suspicious. In my opinion, the best way is to kiss her. I've done this before

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A male reader, rolfen Lebanon +, writes (10 June 2010):

rolfen agony aunti got the same problem. I wouldnt mind cuddling with her and hugging her until it passes. Thing is it sounds like It's my fault ('-why are you crying?', '-because you dont want to stay close to me!'). And also I was expecting an evening watching a movie and having a good time, not watching her alternate between bouts of tears and rage, and struggling with myself to understand what's happening and how to deal with that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010):

I am in the exact same boat here. We have been dating for about 4 months, and I have tried my best to be patient, caring, understanding and supportive. I was raised not to show emotions, and I rarely do...something that irritates my gf to no end. According to her, I sound cold and disinterested when we talk. I love her, I tell her and I feel like I show her, but her overly emotional reactions to even the smallest bump in the road has worn my patience down to a nub. My friends and family are also very important to me and her emotional spats have begun to annoy those close to me as well. I have tried to eason with her logically, I have tried to appeal to common sence...I have eveen attempted to roll play, putting myself in her position and acting as I believe she is acting, not to mock her, but to show an accurate reflection of her behaviors. All to no avail. Any advice besides offering to help her pack?

-Big Show 98

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A male reader, whoknows123 Canada +, writes (24 December 2009):

oh no...it's another one of those nights.

Girlfriend is furious and taking the first train

home tomorrow. One thing is certain: i completely identify with the problem you all speak of. I also feel this lack of sympathy you are speaking of. I'm not sure if there is anything to do...So far I have tried to explain to her firmly and logically my point of view. She feels she is doing me a favour (i'm from Canada) by coming on a family trip with me, hanging out at our cottage and going to my family's for x-mas. She seems particularly upset that I am in the habit of smoking up at night before bed. She really doesn't like it, but I insist that, when done in a fairly responsible manner and when I don't let it interfere with my studies, it's cool to smoke weed and I am free to do so (separate entity principle lol). Anyways, she cries often...all the time...at the slightest spat I have to wipe away a bucket of tears. I am often tender and kind trying to cater to her needs, but it all seems overshadowed by the fact that I smoke at night. Is this rational? I don't know. I am, however, certain that it has nothing to do with my own version of rationality. Anyways...advice? The blind leading the blind. I would say: be nice...and be sweet to her. Don't isolate her (like at a cottage) and don't make her feel excluded. If she decides to get angry...just weather out the storm. It will all be ok. If you break up, you run a short term risk of loneliness, but also stand a chance to increase your long term welfare by diversifying your love life.

and...if worse comes to worse...pull out the big guns:

striptease (note: this may backfire really badly)

best regards,

R

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009):

Women are way too sensitive in the first place. I've called my girlfriend everyday on my cell phone since we met. I missed one day and didn't call her until that evening. All hell broke loose. This is a sign of insecurity. Women are irrational and unreasonable in their thought process.

I couldn't reason with her on the other end of the phone. She was in tears. I didn't know what to do because I was shocked at the reaction. All I can say is good luck bro.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007):

I have a girlfriend with a similar problem she doesn't stop crying either. Best thing you can do this is make sure she knows she is loved by you and you'll always be there for her no matter what. If she wants to tell you more let her but NEVER force her. If it does go on for a long time though and you've tried other things maybe she should get some sort of counselling. It can't be really healthy that much crying over a short period of time.

Either way good luck mate.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005):

i think you need to be a little more sensative than that she would understand if it happened to you dude

sure women can be emotional sometimes but thats part of the exprience you haft to know them get inside their head

and if she is haveing a day where she wants to pull her

hair out and yours too just hold her,cuddle her and tell her you lovr her over and over

p.s if this dosent work better get outa pillow and blanket

because you will be in the dog house

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005):

From your letter, it does sound like, she is overly excessive with her crying. If she cries every time she's feeling offended, slighted or criticized, or has a fight with a friend or with you, or she experiences normal life frustrations like illnesses, then, yes, she is overdoing it. While I agree that people who cry easily should feel glad they're able to be in touch with their feelings. But if they're crying a lot in response to minor everyday life challenges-then they should get some counselling. That kind of crying is an alarm bell that warns of some deep hurt or loss of self-esteem that is triggered whenever anyone says anything negative or she feels slighted. And I can understand how you are viewing her crying as conveying a lack of discipline & low self-worth.

On the other hand, 'normal' crying is good for us. Tears do reduce tensions, remove toxins, and increase the body's ability to heal itself. People who are able to cry and show feelings, may enjoy better physical and emotional health. Crying does allow the tears to do their own therapeutic work. Laughter and tears are two inherent natural medicines whereby we can reduce stress, let out negative feelings, and recharge. They truly are the body's own best resources.

Tears reflect a profound humanity. In fact, I would be 'more' concerned about people who don't cry. expressing one's feelings of compassion, sadness, fear, etc is common through crying. Keeping feelings bottled up and not expressing them is not always the most emotionally healthy way to exsist.

But I do agree, excessive crying over "little stuff" is not healthy either. You know her best and if her crying spells, are starting over minor things and she's experiencing feelings of worthless and being overwhelmed, etc, then please encourage her to see her doctor. There may be some underlying painful issues she is having a hard time dealing with. Remember, you love her..so be supportive and kind. I wish you both well. Take Care

Hugs,

Irish

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A female reader, jaime +, writes (7 September 2005):

It sound like your girlfriend is very emotional, has she always been? if she hasnt then its obvious that she needs you the most right now, has anything happened in her life? is that why shes so emotional. My advise is to just be there for her, perhaps ask her if anything has happened and why she cries so much, she may get angry but maybe she will get the idea and she will stop crying so much and give more attention to your relaltionship. Just do what you think is right, you are not being cold or looking down on her, your just confused, just be there for her always. Good luck.

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A female reader, Green_Eyez +, writes (7 September 2005):

I think you should have a good talk with your girlfriend as she's probably one of two things:

1) An attention seeking drama queen - in which case is she worth the hassle?

2) Stressed out - this could be making her weepy. Has she always been like this or is it a fairly recent development. Is there anything in her life which could be making her feel depressed or just a bit down? We all get ill, but don't generally react like this. It sounds to me like she might be a quite highly strung person, in which case you should try to work out what is the root cause of her upset and try to help her enjoy life a bit more.

Good Luck!

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A female reader, Delila +, writes (7 September 2005):

Your girlfriend sounds like an emotional and sensitive girl, some women may not agree with me but women in general cry, they cry when they don't feel well, they cry when they are sad, they cry when they watch sad movies, they cry during rows, they even cry when they are happy! Not all women of course but most romantic passionate women do! Crying makes us feel better not worse. Remember if you invalidate her feelings she will feel worse. I know its hard but try to just listen when she is upset, resist the urge to try to fix it or cheer her up!

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A female reader, kelly_ann +, writes (7 September 2005):

Awwwww pooor gal she seems very emontional (sori not a good speller lol) im quite the opposite and my bf crys more tham me. I find it quite hard to give him sympathy but thats just the person I am and seems you are to. The best thing u can do is try and hug and cuddle her show her some attention byt she also neeeds to realise that its just the person you are.

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