A
male
age
36-40,
*ostnlove85
writes:I got a girlfriend that sees a man once week and he pays her bills. and she says all they do is go out to eat and be his friend, but she swears on her kids life they dont do anything sexual. she says she loves me and i need to stop worrying about things that arent true. what should i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): Interesting question. It struck me because I knew a girl who used to get financial help from men -- including me.
The men came from all ages and ethnic backgrounds.
Most of them wanted something sexual from her, which she gave. But at least one supported her because she was good arm candy. He was in his late 70s and he just liked having a pretty girl by his side.
Another guy was like me. Neither of us wanted something sexual from her--but we did want a friendship with her. She was a lovely and charming person and beautiful, so it was easy to fall into the "we have a special connection" kind of feeling. So when she asked for favors, money and otherwise, it was hard to say no.
I still wonder if she was a sociopath. She had no qualms about any of this money-taking, and it was all the same to her if a guy wanted sex or if a guy just wanted to be with her.
But my point is not about her as a person; I want to highlight that in fact there ARE all sorts of arrangements for which a lonely man will give money to a beautiful, charming girl without wanting sex.
However, as Serpico said, it's still a questionable blight on her character. It's a kind of manipulation any way you look at it. Whether it's selling sex or selling time or selling emotions--it's not a healthy relationship she has with this guy. That's what you should talk to her about.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 April 2012):
 ask to go with her and meet her friend....
she sees him once a week
they have dinner
he pays her bills
how long does dinner last?
honey methinks she's a liar... and I am sure that he is getting something sexual in return... maybe just blow jobs... but something seems odd.
IF he was NOT paying the bills I would not be sure he was getting sexual favors... but the paying of the bills is a red flag to me...
have you met this friend? have you asked to? how does she react?
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 Ascertain the facts before jumping to any conclusion. Maybe there is actually nothing sexual involved but an entirely different matter, something you know nothing about or something she hesitates to discuss with you. Don't assume that she's cheating when she says she isn't!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): I had a gf who used to do photo sessions for an old photographer. Maybe she is doing the same.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (12 April 2012):
1 - Yes, there is very likely something in return.
2 - Even if 1 above is untrue, do you really want to be with someone who has shown a willingness to use a man for his money?
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (12 April 2012):
 For him to be taking her out to dinner frequently and be paying the bills for her... she must be giving something back in return. No one offers to pay or assume such a responsibility without giving something in return.
As for them being "good friends." Not even a "good friend" would do such a thing. A good friend would tell your girlfriend to get a job and be an independent woman.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (12 April 2012):
Sweetheart, are not these red flags to you. Her having to see another man once a week so he pays her bills. Do she not work? Can she or the men she have kids by give her child support through the courts? I know your a guy and you trust her and all but you and I have a bit in common. I like females too my friend. But no way bot even in a freezing hell would I stick with a chic that couldn't be independent to take care her own bills. N I do have a gf, whom I've given over $300 dollars in a span of two weeks to catch up on her bills. Besides I work two jobs, so if I have then so does she. She will not struggle on my watch. And my question for you is why can't you help her financially or at least find her a job? I suggest this.....let her know how you uncomfortably feel about the situation and suggest she find work. Not only that but you look for her work as well and until she finds work you help with her bills, if you can't with one job help with bills get two jobs and help her. If after all this she shows no interest in work leave her. But first help her. Personally I would've been gone on the first offense. Good guy you are. Best wishes
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 Why on earth is he paying her bills? There's no way he would do this without something in return. I'm not suggesting it's a sexual thing but he's getting something in return for paying those bills. Sounds weird to me.
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