A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, I'm a 24 year old female living 600 miles away from my family. I don't have a great relationship with my family, especially my dad. He shows his love my providing financial but is incapable of any emotional affection. I have been through many traumatic event in my childhood which have lead me to be very different to my family and very independent. I've been working and living out of home for 2 years now and have only visited my family twice. I make every excuse under the sun so that I don't have to see them. It's not that I don't love them, it's just I feel suffocated in there presence and feel like I can't be myself. They have been hassling me a lot these past months to come visit them but as usual I've been putting it off. The whole thought of visiting them brings up anxiety and deep sadness. My dad told my mum that he thinks I'm being influenced by somebody to not speak to my family and he thinks I'm dating someone from a different race. Nobody is influencing me, I've always felt this way about my family. I do have a partner though and I'm very sad and scared that I can't share this happiness with my family. I have to constantly lie. I just want my family to either accept me for all or leave me alone. I've tried talking to my dad about how I feel in regards to the way he treats me but he always makes it all too stressful so I change the topic. I don't know what to do anymore. How do I sort this out? How do I find emotional peace in this situation? Please could you kindly give me your advice. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (7 May 2014):
Ask your Mum or a sibling to come and see YOU. Have them stay for a night. Don't discuss anything heavy. Let that one family member live in your world, chat to you, see how you live and meet your partner. Let them go home and see what happens next. You will get a feel from that. On your territory you will be in control and not stressed by your father.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): You don't say anything about your traumatic experiences in childhood. You say that your father shows no emotion.
Without more info. about the childhood traumas, there's not a lot we can do to help.
But these two facts alone suggest the reason you feel suffocated in your family is that either there has been an abusive situation in which they hurt you or there has been abuse by neglect. When someone is so severely emotionally neglected by one or more parents, it can go hidden for years - the person who has been neglected doesn't know any different and so it takes a long time to figure out that's why they feel they can't "be their self" around family. In most cases, the parents will have no idea who their grown son or daughter actually is as a person.
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