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My ex says the child is mine, but it can't be! And I can't afford a paternity test.

Tagged as: Pregnancy, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 December 2005) 4 Answers - (Newest, 21 August 2007)
A male , anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,

My Ex recently has told me she is pregnant with my child, however at the time she should have conceived I was having a gay relationship many miles away.

I don't dare ask if it really is mine, and I can't afford the test nor am I willling to ask her about it for fear of upsetting her.

What do I do?

View related questions: conceive, my ex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007):

YOU CAN GET DNA TESTS FOR AS LITTLE AS $100.00. JUST SEARCH "HOME DNA TEST". PLEASE DO THIS ASAP. YOU CAN DO IT AS SOON AS THE BABY IS BORN WITHOUT MOTHER KNOWING IF NECESSARY. YOU DESERVE TO KNOW AS WELL AS THE CHILD AND POSSIBLE FATHER.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005):

I can understand why you dont want to ask, but you have too, but lets face it you have had a relatonship with this woman so this child could be yours!!

Paternity tests are expensive but in this case I would say 100% necessary, you will not be the Daddy you could be if there is any doubt in your mind you will always be holding back afraid to give all of yourself in case the baby turns out not to be yours.

Think about the child save up and get the paternity test and then if the child is yours then you will be able to be a really good Daddy the kind your child deserves. Also I dont know your family situation but your mum or dad might be willing to help with the costs and also tell her that she needs to pay half

Good Luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005):

I think that you really need to worry about yourself at this stage, the worst that can happen at the moment is that you upset a pregnant woman ask her if the baby is yours. Also ask around and see if any of your friends know anything as well people often know things but dont want to interfere in situations like this.

Once this child is born if your name goes on the birth certificate the costs of a patenity test pales into insignificance in comparison to your legal costs in then trying to prove the child isnt yours. Also you will be liable for child support, also once the baby is born what about him/her that child has the right to know who Daddy is and it wouldnt be right to play Daddy when you know it couldnt possibly be your child!!

I dont know your personal financial circumstances but if you are in receipt of benefits then you may not have to pay for the paternity test, also the girl is liable to pay half the cost of the test, it is not only a case of your proving you are or are not the father she also needs to prove you are.

My main advice is ask her if she says you are the Dad you are 100% sure you are not get a paternity test, trust me when I say court proceedings and the CSA will be a lot more expensive!

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A female reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (30 December 2005):

Well if you keep quiet then you are going to spend the rest of your life with a child thinking you are its daddy and maybe paying maintenance.

It depends on how long you were away for as the date I concieved with my daughter was changed by two weeks at my 20 week scan.

The best thing to do would be to start putting away some money each week (even if its a tiny bit) towards a paternity test as its going to be a darn sight more expensive (emotionally as well as maintenance wise)to bring up a child that isn't yours. Get the money for a test together and when the babies born then have the test done.

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