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female
,
anonymous
writes: My ex sent me a video he made of us ending it with "I will always love you, forever. I broke up with him 3 weeks ago, and I'm so sick of him contacting me. I finally called him and told him that I'm sick of him saying he misses me and loves me. I told him that even though I would never take him back, I don't understand why he isn't saying things like how I deserve better or how he wants me back. I asked him what his true motive is. He just said that he talked to his friends and they asked him if he wishes he was still with me. He says yes and no because he misses when we had fun, but doesn't miss when we argued. I got so mad because everytime we ever argued it was because he wasn't respecting me and I was standing up for myself! I don't understand why he doesn't see that! I told him I was going to tell our mutual friend everything about him that she doesn't know, and I did-I left her an email explaining how emotionally abusive he was. I also called him and left a message saying that if he ever contacted me again I would get a restraining order. I know I have done all I can do, and I know that I deserve better, but why can't he see that? I think I'm mad that even though I broke up with him and he is still sad, he is somewhat mutually deciding that we might not be best together. I guess I just expect him to be apologizing and trying to change and begging for me back, but he isn't and it is driving me nuts! What is wrong with me?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 He is expressing how he wants you back, just in a different way than you'd wish he would.
Being abusive is a valid reason for ending the relationship. Expecting someone to state things in the way you want is not normal, because people have different ways of expressing the same thing.
This sounds as if you're a bit controlling. Reason being (1) You expect him to express himself in ways that suite you. (2) Made a threat with a restraining order for contact. (if it wasn't control, you would have just had an officer talk to him about not harassing, instead of threat) (3) The biggest one is sending the information you did by email to a friend. The reason that is the biggest is it's malicious. This doesn't concern your friend, and should not be brought up to them. Now if you place a restraining order, and that email comes out, they might find that your placing the restraining order is intent to harm.
You need to end contact. If he contacts you, don't answer or notify the authorities. Don't make any more contact yourself, and don't talk issues with others, that may escalate the problem.
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