A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i m 20, but when i was 16 my ex boyfriend had given me a few drinks and had forced himself on me. I had repeatedly askd him to stop and get off me. I even tried pushing him away. I had felt burning and pain in and around my vagina but there was no bleeding. I was a virgin then. I still get nightmares of it cos i never understood what he did to me. Can anyone please help me understand this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): thankx anonymous female, good that u are finding courage through my post. I do have a very loving and caring boyfriend who understands what I have been through but I couldnt describe it to him completely cos it would hurt him but he had guessed it by himself. He has taken very good care of me when I was depressed and given me a second chance to have a big smile on my face. We will be married soon.
There is always a second chance if one needs it and uses it for good purpose.--I chose mine to return to my education, have a career and to have a family with him :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): This is specially to the anonymous guy
U maybe right about two things:
1- that I was literally seeing him (but not sexually active) even after that incident cos that guy was a tenant in my house. It felt more like I was imprisoned and under surveilance in my own home and I had no one to talk to or no where to go cos he would be right there a few steps behind me.(even followed me to another city!)
2- that he caused some serious damage to my life(lost few years of my education and psychiatric problems) which fortunately I no longer care about and I have started a new life.
What I described in my question is just a part of his actions, which I didnt understand very well.
Where lies fear and pain
There is no fun to gain
Why do u think I would be "willingly" sexually active with a guy who was hurting me and giv him the pleasure?--R u out of ur mind?
That was the only day I ever had any sexual encounters in my life till today, if i was psychic I would have told u about my future sex life as well.
Better think before u type ur words, cos u may hurt someone instead of helping them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): It's good that you were able to talk to people who generally understand what your going through. It's better than bottling it up.
It's probably late for me to give advice, but your problem is one of the more serious I've seen on this site. It was rape, your 'boyfriend' was probably using you.
The fact your put off sex must be sad. The fact someone did something to you that has affected your life in such a way is out of order. What I will say is that you need to fight through this last step. Find a new boyfriend, find someone you can talk to. If it helps make the situation better, talk to him about what happened before you do anything. Then maybe he'll be a bit more understanding about it's affected you so badly.
I respect that you were able to get through it. Me, not going through a very happy time at the moment, thinks your courage to get through something far worse than what I'm going through inspires me to do the same.
You'll get through it, tata and good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): (This from the same person who asked the question)Thnkx to all of u for helping me out. I was under treatment for severe depression since 2 months after that incident took place. But this forum(dearcupid.org)is only place I ever had courage to talk about it in detail. I never described it to my psychiatrist. That was the only time that SOB did that and I avoided him after that cos I never wanted to be with anyone who would hurt me or humiliate me.I never had sex again after that with anyone cos I am still a little bit scared of having sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Hey anon male, you're a real jerk...What a horrible load of crap you've posted here. Do you even know about sexual assault or abuse?
sheesh...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): You got raped. That's a very traumatic thing and I really think you need to start seeing it in those terms. Telling yourself that it's not a big deal is not working. This was several years ago.
And I suspect you didn't break up with him, but kept on seeing him and had sex with him after that, right? That's why he would do something like this. No matter how much you didn't want it and were physically & emotionally hurt by it, the bottom line is that you still rewarded him for it.
I wonder, would you have even chosen to be sexually active anywhere near that time in your life if he hadn't raped you and started things rolling? He might have reshaped a lot more of your life and done a lot more damage than you realize.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Should also mention that I agree with starfairy and suggest you seek out therapy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): I can suggest a book. "The Courage to Heal" by Bass/Davis.
I've been through a similar situation...You need to understand that sometimes there are no other answers besides the fact that that person did something wrong.
There are many forums out there for survivors/victims.
http://www.isurvive.org/
http://www.aftersilence.org/
Feel free to send me a message anytime!
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 I think you would really benefit from counselling or group therapy to help you come to terms with what happened to you. I;m sure it would help to also meet others in the same situation as you. Nothing like that has ever happened to me and I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. Message me if you need to talk, sometimes it helps. xx
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