A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My daughter is 20 years old and is away in college. While there, she supposedly accidently bumped into her former best friend's father, who now lives in that town. She told me about it but at first I didn't think too much of it. Eventually she started dropping his name more and more often, that they went out to dinner or movies, etc. but when I expressed concern, she said they're just hanging out as friends. Eventually she confessed that they are in a relationship and she likes him a lot... I've met the guy before and he is kind of a nice guy, but how can he seduce a girl who is 25 years younger than him? I thought this thing will blow over after a while, but it's been over a year and they are still together... I don't know what to do... I don't want my daughter to ruin her life and marry him or something and be stuck with this old man... in few years he will be 50 when she is her early 20's. Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): It isn't for us to decide the fate of our children. Like it or not, he may be the only man who can make her happy. Express your concerns then let them decide what they will or will not do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): I'd say that after one year, you can safely rule out the risk that he's just after one thing or has sinister intentions. A one year relationship is nothing to scoff at.
And you say, "He'll be 50!"... so what? You might find that uncomfortable, but people are unique and these two might be good for each other. They might not be, but they might.
The best thing you can do is be there for her, don't judge. If she's in a consensual, adult relationship with someone who cares for her, and who she cares for, it's not that bad is it?
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y).  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Parents always want to protect their kids but your little girl is a woman and wants to make her own decisions in life.
I know its hard for you to except that her boyfriend is 25 years older but you have to look at the possitive side of it, hes sensible because hes older and knows more about life and won't just mess around for sex because hes not a teenager anymore.
My dad found it hard to except my older boyfriend at first but he made an effort to get to know him and you can't stop them talking, going out and doing things together. You might not want to get close to this man but show your daughter that you are intrested in her life and ask her to invite him round. You will be looking out for her and building a relationship at the same time!
Good luck
Livia
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): as parents we need to love out kids unconditionally, even if it means that they bump their heads a little as they go through life. We can make their decisions for them , and we hurt when they hurt. But we can still love them and support them even if we do not agree.
It's very hard seeing your daughter with this older man, but for now he makes her happy. At least he is not married, which is really a plus in any relationship. Maybe this will work out, maybe not but whichever way it pans out, please be there for her. You love her a lot and you worry about her future. Thats what mothers are there for, and you have just proven that you are a good mom.
Does she have contact with her ex best friend, how has the friend received the news that your daughter is dating her dad? Maybe you need to ask your daughter this. I also think that the new b/f and you need to meet and then you can suss him out, just to make yourself feel better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Remember, the more you and family memebers are against it, the more she will cling to him. So back off, be even supportive and she may start to look at the bigger picture.
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A
female
reader, mariaxx +, writes (7 April 2009):
your daughter is a grown woman and will not appreciate interferance from you.
It is probably tough seeing her date such an older man - but it will either fizzle out in due course (1yr is still very much a honeymoon period), or it really is true love - in which case you surely wouldn't want to deny her that would you? Love knows no barriers, even age.
Be there for her, be supportive and don't be judgemental. You can't make decisions for her and if you try to intervene she will resent you for it.
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