A
female
age
18-21,
mattie90
writes:hi everyone i have a question that invloves any guy that i know! when i was 13 my dad beat me physcically and mentally and always lied cheated on my mom! i really believe that ever since then i cant trust a guy because i believe that the guys i hang out with might do it like my boyfriend gets very physical when angry and i sometimes believe he might hurt me but he said he never would touch me like that ever ok thats good but i doubt it because when we get into a fight i act like a smart ass and that pisses him off. i dont know what to do should i just trust what they say unless i have a reason not to trust them!? is there some kind of exercise that helps calm ppl down when mad that can control their anger? what can someone do 2 try and control their anger excluding a therapist! i need help im worried that i might get beat again but not by my dad by a friend or my bf? help me please thank you Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (9 May 2008):
 First of all, your dad is your dad. Because he's a guy should not be attached to that issue. If it was your mom, you'd be afraid of women, if it was barney, you'd be afraid of purple dinasaurs.
What is an issue is abuse characteristics. You said he's physical when he's angry. He'd be more likely to hurt someone, than someone who isn't physical when angry.
All though we don't want to assume people's behavior. It's okay to set your boundaries ahead of time. Such as: "I know you said you'd never hurt me. Let me tell you where I stand. If there came a time where you try to control me, hit me, call me names, put me down, or cause me to be afraid, this relationship will be ended immediately, no negotiating or second chances."
It might not hurt either to mention that if his anger turns to violence, he could be arrested as well.
I know it sounds a bit harsh, but when it comes to your own safety, sometimes you have to let someone know where your position on that subject is. No one has the right to hurt you physically, sexually, or mentally, period. If they do, it's time to say goodbye. With abuse, there is no "it will never happen again." That's a line of crap. What it should say is "it won't happen until I get angry again." that would be a much more truthful statement.
Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): first i think when your dad is not home and your mom is tell her about what had happed when you where 13 and tell her about your dad cheating and lying to her but make sure that your are there when you tell he because she will cry no matter what. and as for the trust issue tell your mom that to. moms are amazing as long as you tell them they will help you the most. so just tell him. oh and make sure you got a couple of hours before your dad comes home. i hoped i helped. and good luck.
...............................
|
