A
female
age
41-50,
*issP
writes:My boyfriend (33) is 100% focussed on making me happy but won't let me do the same for him - what do I do? He will do anything for me, but he gets embarrassed and feels uncomfortable when I try to make a fuss of him. He doesn't want me to celebrate his birthday, spend money on him or do anything that involves making an effort for him, no matter how small. I like to make people feel special so I don't know what to do as I want an equal relationship. He only makes an effort with his appearance to make me happy so I think he has low self-esteem. Any advice, from men especially, would be appreciated, thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): To forget about oneself in a relation usually means you genuinly want it to work or the way things work holds you in fascination, in a desidentifying manner. Forgetting of oneself can be very pleasant in that situation. It has a bad side as well, people can speculate this against you. Fortunately he has you as his partner and you wouldn't profit and even desire an "equal" display-of-care relation. Would he refuse for example if you brought his breakfast to bed? And he wouldn't refuse presents that you already bought without pre-consult I presume. Tell him what would make you very happy is that he lets you take care of him in the manner he takes care of you. What would he say? He must realise the pleasure of giving is also in your court and not feel embarassed by it. Sounds like a rather delicate person, not used with too much attention. Maybe that only needs practice dear, good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): well if he has low self-asteem you should make a fuss of him maybe that would more proud of himself
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