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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend completely forgot my birthday! I am so upset. We've been together for a year-and-a-half and during that time, he's celebrated two birthdays, both of which I have remembered and tried to make special, even though the first year, we'd only known each other about a month, but I still took him to dinner and bought him a birthday card. A few months later when my birthday rolled around, we'd been seeing each other for about 4 months and even though I was out of town that week for business, I thought for sure I'd at least get a card when I returned -- But no! So I let it slide with only minimal comments. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, since our relationship was still pretty new. This year, I expected a little more. We've been living together for the past 10 months and he's asked me several times, when my birthday was. And I've told him several times, when it is, including about a month ago when something came up in conversation about it.I didn't want to keep reminding him anymore because I feel like if I'm important to him, he'll remember the day! His last girlfriend got balloons, flowers and several really nice gifts so he is capable of doing nice things, he just didn't do anything for me! He says I should've marked it on the calendar in the kitchen so he "wouldn't forget". I think since I've told him several times already, he should've marked it on his calendar at work, or on his computer. It's not that complicated! He remembers other dates, and his kids' birthdays, if I'm not important enough after a year-and-a-half, then I think I'm wasting my time. Am I making more out of this than I should?...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I have also endured that feeling of complete disappointment. My on-off boyfriend of three years forgot my birthday this past week. I've never, not once, forgot about his. It's not like I asked for a celebration, or balloons to fall from the ceiling...I just wanted a simple greeting. I basically spent the entire half of my birthday waiting by the phone. When I finally got through and realized he had truly forgot my birthday I was crushed. I cried and could barely keep myself together. We broke up-on my birthday! He doesn't want to feel 'guilty' about stuff like this anymore. If someone cannot remember the day you were brought into this world, that says a lot. I can never feel the same about him after this.
All I have to say is that people put up with a lot in relationships. To an outsider it seems almost ridiculous. I've bottled up inside the way he has hurt me so much-and it makes me feel a lot better that other girls have experienced the same pain. It isn't 'just a birthday'-love is simply being considerate of your partner. Thank god for my family, since no matter what I put them through they still bother to call and make me feel loved.
What am I going to do now? I'm having a redo-birthday, and this time I won't shed a tear :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Perhaps it was an honest mistake, so give him a chance to make it up to you, but if not, then NO ONE has the right to make you feel worthless like that. Heh, I too googled 'boyfriend forgot my birthday' because I am so furious at the moment. We've been dating for nearly a year, and he is generally a thoughtful person, but it scares me that he honestly doesn't understand why I'm so upset that his MOTHER gave me more notice for my birthday than he did. Are all men this dumb?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): I can emphathise totally. It's my birthday today and so far my bf of 2 years (been living together a year) hasn't said so much as "Happy Birthday". He hasn't forgotten before but like a previous poster said can be very one-track minded thinking about his own projects all the time -he never forgets work meetings or deadlines or dates of sports games so why forget me? For his birthdays I make a fuss, get a cake etc. etc. I remind him of his family birthdays, buy cards on his behalf... I haven't put up the bd cards my friends and family sent yet just to see if he would remember. I dropped a heavy hint earlier to try and help him out but no use. I feel sad. Am I not worth the effort? Should I stop doing nice things for him every day?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): My birthday is today and my boyfriend forgot. Last year, he fell asleep on my birthday the stupid jerk! I am so upset and so hurt that he didn't care enough to even get me an effing card!
I'm so done...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): I am 26 years old today and the only person i wanted to be with was my boyfriend today. WE have been together for 5 years and i end up crying every birthday. He usually remembers but i dont feel the excitement to see me, like i am always to see him on his birthday.i call asking when he will arrive and he tells me to have patience,so he usually takes his time , arrives by evening even if he nothing else to do. And even after he arrived on my last few birthdays i could not enjoy it. SO the days leading up to today i did not say anything and today i called him like usual but did not mention it. He did not greet me so i left it at that. i promised myself the past few years i would not spend another birthday crying, whatever happens...It is easier said than done. It hurts so bad. It is so embarrassing.Cant bear to tell my girlfriends.I know he loves me,I dont know if i will wait till tomorrow then tell him he forgot. i would like to see how he fixes this cuz this is suppose to be my special day and i cant keep crying every year.he has to come real good to make up for it this time cuz i'm not letting it go easy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): i too think iwas forgotten, he said he didnt' forget but that he was waiting until the end of the day, but why? his friend yelled at the phone happy bday to me and he said "oh ya i forgot" it really hurt my feelings because he was reminded like three or four days before by my family. i'm really upset about it its just a day but i have helped him get ready for multiple occasions (christmas mother's day his sis's bday) and i feel like he should at least make me feel a little special after all that i have been doing for him lately (loaning him my car and giving him money) this is my way to vent cause he told me today that i bitch too much
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): its my birthday today ... i got on to this message board after googling 'my boyfriend forgot my birthday' ... congrats! this message board is at the top of the list :) so.. back to the topic .. no points for guessing what i went through today :) and why i am here.. i am here to find solace in the fact that i am not the only person going through this hell... i cant figure out why this phenomenon of guys forgetting important dates / anniversary is a universal thing .. for us girls it just boils down to one fact..' he is not into me ' ... it hurts more as you get older and miss feeling special and wanted ( i turned 26 today ..yay ! ? ).. or just bewildered cos you were expecting simple and nice to make you feel good...well..or just not to try and make him 'remember', ok ..i am rambling now :) happy birthday to me !!
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female
reader, Seabreeze 51  +, writes (16 December 2007):
That dilemma might have several ways to look at it. If your boyfriend is truly not one for remembering your birthday but remembers Valentine, Christmas and other areas of your relationship then perhaps I would express to him your hurt and so that it will not happen next year you remind him that morning and tell him that you make the plan for your birthday and be ready to go if that's your choice. Next, if he does not do anything on other times it's time for him to find another address. If this is your first birthday with him but he's attentive on other issues regarding you hear him out let him know it bothered you; if his birthday has passed and yours followed with no acknowledgment I would probably let him go. Remember the way you start your relationship is the way it will be. If you allow him to forget in the beginning, or allow him justify his reasons, believe me he will continue the pattern throughout. There are plenty of men who are looking to spoil a woman.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Soory to hear that. I just had the same exact issue with my friend. He's had 2 B-days & I went all out. It's been 2 days and he hasn't called me yet! I'm embarrased & don't know what to do either. 2 days before my B-Day he said we'll work on plans soon. I feel like an asshole! I don't even know how to approach everything. SHould I wait to see what he does then talk or what? I'm hurt. I hope you can work things out, but follow your heart. Deep down you know what to do. Look at the big picture.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): i feel for you and myself because i have been feeling same as you..my Bf forgot my birthday too we have been together for 2 years..last year i celebrated my own birthday and he tagged along..and never got me anything not even a card..so this year i didtnt even remind him to see what he will do and he forgot and he couldnt even bother to tex me until late that day..like you said my Bf remembers all other occasions very well of people who are dear to him..just shows that i dont mean anything..thats y i dumped him after my birthday xxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): My live in of 3 weeks forgot my birthday two days ago. He didn't hesitate to say Happy Birthday in the morning but then did NOTHING else. No birthday card, no gift, no flowers . . .
I am so upset with him because I have remembered every special event in his life. He knew it was my BD but chose not to do anything. Makes me wonder how far down on his priority list I am.
I can certainly empathize
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): What is the rest of your life with him like? If he is generally "unthinking" you may have a problem, particularly if he has been overtly and reliably kind to other previous girlfriends. If, however, he is generally very kind, considerate etc. but just stuffs up on the birthdays, then it may not be so simple. I am absolutely crap with dates. I frequently forget my own birthday and it takes one hell of a lot of checks to be sure I don't miss my wife's (did once when dating... got awkward). Don't know whether there's a "hole" in my mental processing or what. Same applies at work. I am in a high-up job and I am totally reliant on my PA's diary keeping. Without it I'd probably forget to breathe. My wife and PA both put it down to my mindset which gets "one-track" focused and once in a particular rut, stays there until "task complete" or someone kicks me. I know quite a few other guys who have the same blindspot/problem. They are all single-minded high achievers, but, like me, can really stuff up sometimes. We have benefits as partners/husbands, but we can be hopelessly "one-track male", which these days seems no longer acceptable....
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): Er, Why are you still with him. He forgot your birthday, you only have one of them a year. Get real! He turned it all around, which some people are very good at doing! I wouldn't be very pleased!! How do you know he did that for his past love? Was he so insensitive to tell you. You have to ask yourself if you want to carry on with someone who clearly doesn't want to remember your birthday.
Take care
xx
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 To be honest, I think you probably are wasting your time with this guy. Firtly, he forgot your birthday, which is bad enough after being told many times, but then he turned the whole thing around and blamed it on you as you didnt mark it on the calendar! What is he....a child?! Seeing that he also did special things for his last girlfriend, it really seems like he is treating you as second best. Only you will know whether you want to leave him or not, but he sounds rather insensitive, and you clearly need a more sensitive loving guy. Best of luck.
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