A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I don't know what to do about the mismatch between my high sex drive and my bf's lower sex drive and need some advice please.We've been together 16 months now. At first, as in many relationships, were we all over each other whenever we met up, having great sex 3-4 times a week. This was inspite of us both working shift patterns and long shifts at times. I felt like we were equal in terms of who initiated sex and both satisfied when we made love.So for the last few months, things have quietened down. He's been asking me to move in with him, and I'm holding off because already our sex live is declining despite us still living apart. We meet up about 4 times per week. Sometime we go out with friends, on our own, or stay in and chill out, cook a meal for each other etc. I make an effort to keep fit (I work out 3 times a week) and to dress nicely. I also make an effort to surprise him with sexy lingerie every so often. Our relationship is otherwise great. We don't really argue, we are supportive to each other, and I am happy just spending time with him doing anything. But I would like us to make love more than once a week, which we're doing at the moment, and feel kinda rejected at the moment :(We spend 2-3 nights a week together, but generally only make love once a week. Sometimes he's tired, which is fine, although prior to a few months ago, even when he was tired, we'd kiss each other/touch each other a little. Nowadays, I feel like unless i initiate things, he won't. I miss the days when he's walk in and we'd get straight to it! And I miss the feeling of closeness and being wanted. I feel stupid, a little rejected, and a little sad. I don't know what to do. I've tried backing off completely, and waiting for him to approach me. I've tried not thinking about it at all and focusing on just enjoying spending time with him. I've tried making sure we have quality time together, helping him relax and then kissing him but again, it often feels like he's not really there mentally and it turns me off. But nothing is really changing :(We've kinda talked around it, and he says he still finds me attractive, that there is nothing else on his mind. I'm pretty certain there's noone else, so I'm just kinda confused.What do you think I should do? I do play solo sometimes when i'm very horny and he's tired, but I just miss our tender kisses and embraces :(He still hugs me at times, and sometimes kisses/touches me.I'd love to get back what we used to have.I wonder if I need to see him less often? And if this will only worsen if we move in together?Does this happen in all relationships??What do you think? Thanks.
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female
reader, MamasLilFlowerChild  +, writes (21 January 2012):
I agree, communication is key. Tell him how you feel! If he loves you, he will care about the fact that you don't feel wanted and miss the affection he use to give you and will definately try to work on it. Also maybe you just have a higher sex drive than he does? Invest in a vibator, if you don't already have one! That way you guys may have found a happy medium! :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 January 2012):
 Have you TOLD HIM you miss kisses and hugs? I get that. The ONLY reason I am happy with my sex life is that I get hugs and kisses pretty much 24/7. I am cuddled every night and every morning in bed. Kissed goodbye… kissed hello… cuddles on the couch to watch tv after dinner…
Sex… every couple of weeks… but I get the AFFECTION I want. I get the physical contact I want and need. And yes I take care of myself in the shower or bed on a very regular basis and my partner knows this. While we are open and honest about it, he feels like a total failure that he can’t satisfy me.
It’s highly likely that sex will drop off after you move in together… it did for us…
But you need to talk to HIM about it…
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