My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs. While I am 22 and he is 24, I feel like as a couple we are 80 yrs old! Just to paint a picture of our current situation...We both recently graduated college and he got a job and now lives 2hrs away and I see him about 6 days out of the month. My problem is that he is the type of person who can happily watch tv at home and never leave his apartment and I am the type of person who needs more excitement. He tells me he is simple and recently got upset with me when I confronted him about "being bored in this realtionship" because I supposedly complain about things too much. To my surprise, he told me that "this is the type of person I am and I am free to find someone else who better suits who I want." On top of this, my eyes have been wondering a lot recently. What action should I take, if any?
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reader, stina +, writes (16 September 2006):Hi thislove,
I think that if he's unwilling to compromise and go out, then you have a problem. It's one thing to always do what he wants to do if you have no problem with it, but you obiously do and he doesn't really seem like he's going to start going out more - at least based on his response to you.
I think it's good that you tried to bring it up with him, but when you did were you angry? Maybe he thought you were attacking him and this is why he said he could find someone else. Sometimes people say stupid things when they're angry. This could have been one of those times, you know?
On the other hand, if he didn't try to talk about what was said after his remark (or if you two weren't angry when talking to each other), then there's no problem breaking it off with him to find someone more compatible with you. That's the whole point of dating someone, right? To find someone with common interests. And this is a pretty big difference between the both of you. At least in my opinion.
As with any break-up, it will suck a lot, but wouldn't it be worse to have to deal with this the rest of your life?
But maybe it's just that he doesn't like the suggestions you're coming up with. Maybe he'd like to do something more laid back like go to a museum, a walk through a nearby park, or something along those lines. (Although maybe you've already suggested something like that.) Have you asked him if there are any places he wants to go? Maybe a day trip somewhere just to walk around and take in the sights? There has to be something that he wants to do outside of staying indoors all the time...
I say try talking to him about it again. Make some suggestions, ask him what he'd like to do besides stay at home (again). Look, if you've given it your all and he's still unwilling to compromise (or even discuss it) then I think the best thing to do is go your separate ways, especially if you've already been looking at other potential bfs. You can't just live the rest of your life doing what he wants to do all the time, it will drive you more crazy than apparently it already has.
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reader, gracie lou +, writes (16 September 2006):sounds like you two have a complete different set of values. you did the right thing by confronting him about this and how you want a little more variety, and he seems to be stubborn and set in his ways. since your eyes have been wandering, i think you know that there might be someone better out there to make you happier. you guys have been goin out for 4 years, and if this guy isnt willing to put a single effort into making you happy and making the relationship work, then i think you should end it. hope this is helpful a bit. goodluck
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