A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half now and hes really wonderful and he makes me laugh a lot. He has talked quite seriously about our future and how he sees me as the one and sees marriage in our future. (I have a 2 year old from a prev relationship)I am somewhat sceptical as he is a twice divorcee, and although I knew this when we met i didnt realize our relationship would become so serious. Im a believer in giving people the benefit of the doubt, I myself have never been married. I have baggage of my own and believe everyone does to a certain extent. But, Im worried whether this means he cant make marriage work? He blames them for the breakdown and although I know one cheated on him, he insists its all their fault. Is this a red flag?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Blaming everything on your exes is a huge red flag and while divorce is really just a break up with no greater significance to me when you put the two together I think you have to be wary of this guy.
OP I have a feeling he says "you're the one and we should get married" as an impulse. I bet you he said the same thing to his ex wives so technically you're the 3, plus however many marry him after you.
Either he rushes things or he's a dreamer OP, and frankly "you're the one" seems a bit secondhand coming from his mouth doesn't it?
Think back to your past relationships OP, even the ones where your ex completely fucked you over, you still are partly to blame aren't you? Some of the responsibility for your past relationship failures lies with you doesn't it?
I find it very hard to take people seriously when they blame their exes for everything, there's just something narcissistic about never taking responsibility for your own failures.
Look beyond your misgivings, he's been a good partner to you for the 18 months, why are you suddenly questioning this? Is it because of the way he speaks about the future and marriage and stuff? If so then nip that in the bud. You don't need to be married to be in a relationship with someone and a person who marries after a year or two of being with someone and numerous times is weirdo. I mean come on 18 months and he's already talking about committing his life to you. I'm 7 years in my current one and it hasn't even come up as a serious topic yet.
OP the honeymoon period isn't even over yet. Take your time, enjoy your relationship and I personally would wait a good few years before I'd consider marriage with a person like him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Third time lucky? He has probly learnt from his mistakes, just cos he's been married twice doesn't mean he is a no-go man. You seem happy after 18months and have no concerns except this. Does he communicate with you does he try to make you happy? Is he your age or older?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Yes, it's a red flag...doubly so at his young age! AND he takes no responsibility for the failure of his marriages. Sounds like he's more reckless and impulsive than he is capable of following through on major life commitments. Do you really think it's wise to expose your daughter to another father figure who is likely to abandon her AGAIN?
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