A
male
age
41-50,
*amloyal
writes:Hi,I really dont know what is wrong with me..... I cause silly mistakes with my relationship.Just been through a tough time but i really built up the relationship again but i do foolish things to hurt my partner which i did not meant too.Basically I am on twitter and i am replying to threads on twitter....there where a few where female twitters would mention something about there hair and i replied back in a friendly gesture...another was when i gave my blackberry pin to another user.....I know from what i did to me clearly am just making friends and thats it full stop nothing else. My partner on the other end is thinking its not right to do what i did and she is really hurt by this that she thinks that i will bail out of our relationship when in true honesty i really love her so much and i just want to be with her and raise our child. she is pregnant and i have upset. And really feel so dump and stup!d. i clearly have put myself in her shoes and really know how she feels about this and know how silly i have been.this has brought the relationship down to zero. but i really love her and want to be with her that what ever i did was not in any intention to any dating or meeting up just online friends.she says she does not know me that she does not know who i am.i dont know what i can do to courage her of my mistakes that i have made.overall i do 99.9% of all things to keep her happy just this 0.1% i do which i sometimes wish Why ME! i feel like i am going to loose her after we talked last night she was upset but i asserted her to know that how sorry i am and how much her and the baby means to me.i think its too late but i dont know what to do.she has thoughts of getting back with someone whom she met back in the past and said that she has told him she is single and available...but i dont know if this is anger and the fact that she wants to get back at me maybe her way of making me feel hurt but am hurt for what i did.but she has not left me physically from the flat and this morning i went to get her food for her during the daytime as she has not ate well because of my foolishness. she did tell me thanks by text.i really need some support and advice and trying to be positive.... i dont want my child raised not by me...i love him and love her....
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reader, dirtball  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Holy update Batman!!! LOL.
Ok, her inviting you back to bed is a great start. Don't think you're out of the woods quite yet though. You've got a lot to do to prove to her that your words were more then just meaningless promises. You have to show her with your actions that you meant what you've been saying.
A good conversation is a real start. Strong relationships are built around being open and honest during conversation.
Again, you've got a good start going on, now you need to make it last. Good luck and I hope you can be a happy family.
A
male
reader, iamloyal +, writes (21 September 2010):
iamloyal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Dirtball again.....I thought i would give you an update from last night.Well I did not know exactly how or what she would have been doing at home till i was there...she had been cleaning and making the flat look nice as usual which i adore her for.she made the baby's room look ready for when the baby arrives anytime soon expected date is oct 11th.... she has also put our son's name on the door so this all looks positive....when i did go in she was eating the food i brought her this morning and i was asking her how her day was etc etc did not mention any thing else in regards to my stupidity....there was some rubbish that needed to be taken to the skip and told her that i will also stop of at the groceries and get her more snacks and food for tmrw... i know what she likes and i went and did my duties.... i came back and just made sure she was ok...the atmosphere was quiet and i did not ruin it in anyway. i was eating whilst she was relaxing on the couch. she went into the bedroom and after i ate and went and followed her there.....i sat there quietly waiting for her to say something... she told me that she did still does not know me and she cannot look me in the eye.....we started discussing about the scenario again as it was based on this...but we are talking like adults and not like kids...she was telling me that i dont respect her and if i dont respect her i dont respect the baby...i know what i did was silly and told her again and again that i do respect you and the baby that i did a silly mistake that in my mind was minor but in her eyes it felt major that she took it as if i would be running away from her and i just want a piece of another cake when its not like that....i told her i visualise our son i cannot wait to see him and bring him up. she tells me that you can do that but not with me as she just wants to be not in relationship with me. but i know deep down in her that she does not want the child to have a real dad and another step dad she has values. but i told her that i want the child and you to be there all the time i want to be the one that feeds him during the nights and saying bye in the morning when i go to work to greeting them both when i come home...i know she sometimes blocks out things i say as she cannot believe them but i cannot stress the fact that i mean all this.we then started talking about the fact that i know she is only there at the flat as the hospital is nearer from there compared to her mum's house and thats why she is there....this really hurt as i feel that she is going to leave once the baby arrives. but she has done all the preparations for the room nicely so it does not make sense...she told me she just wants to concentrate on the pregnancy for now and does not want any stress. i told her that i just want to be able to support, care and love you through it as well. but i want us both be able to talk to each other and work through this. i know right now she wants to be single and says to me that this someone else she likes and respects her but i know i can do it better as we've together this long.but i have a feeling that she could be saying this to make me feel scared or something...we've never discussed issues like this before and to be honest it felt really good to be able to talk on an adult level and discuss the mistakes i have done and tell her its always been about her and no one else as i love this girl off with all my heart.i also told her that no matter what i am always gonna be here for you if you walk out and go else where and want me back am not going no where am always here as i just only want her.she laid down on the bed in a more relaxed moment and i could see her eyes were looking over me but i knew she was starting to feel more in the need of me she asked me to hug her. it was a moment that felt so beautiful to actually be able to hug her....but what does this mean? after the hug i told her in the most touching voice and placed my hand on her shoulder and told her, am not going no where, i want you and i want to look after you, you have always got me no matter what and you should always know that.she agreed in a soft way too.i think that made her feel that she knows me more a slight amount again.she did mention that we call each other by our names and not by baby or anything...she told me not to tell her I LOVE YOU etc.... i dont know why....but i joked about it and said its hard for me not to say the three words and she smirked....lol...we have a lot of good times and happyness its just small things create big issues....we were both going to bed as since friday i was sleeping on the couch....i told her goodnight and she responded...i went to sleep on the couch whilst she was still in the bedroom...about 20mins later she came into the living room and looked at me and said you dont need to sleep on the couch.....i went to sleep in the bedroom....felt better in the morning i did not wake her i just got ready and left for work.... i texted her this morning to have a good day and hope you slept well... she responded back to me saying i will have a good day and yes i did sleep ok and asked if i did..i told her i did and to eat well today....thats it so far of my journal just going to be more wiser and stronger each day as i really cannot afford to loose her and become a mum that is with someone else... i dont want that as my dreams are to be with her and the child... lets see how today goes...thanks for listening guys....
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 September 2010):
Best of luck, I hope it works out for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): Thanks dirtball once again for the advice. I would of started apologising again. As I would not know what to do or say.
Will be going home soon to see how she is and doing and let her rest.
I will update you tomorrow how this evening went.
You have a good day.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 September 2010):
You've done what you can for now. Change your focus. Dwelling on that which is out of your control will only make things worse for you.
You've apologized enough. Now it's time to show her that you meant it. Focus on changing your behaviors.
I'd also suggest doing something little and nice for her. When you get home today, instead of jumping into the apology wagon, ask her about her day. Focus on her. Hopefully she'll talk to you.
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A
male
reader, iamloyal +, writes (20 September 2010):
iamloyal is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondirtball....thanks for the advice...am just not been able to focus all day at work and just seriously worried...i want to be committed to her but it feels like i cannot get my word across as she has heard it all before but i literally aint doing this on purpose.....
ive left her a note this morning apologising again and telling her that i dont want no one else but her and the baby...and i thought i would text her which i did a bit earlier telling her that i have learnt from my mistakes and seriously has taken an effect on me. that i told i dont want to loose her....am gonnna love her for life and i mentioned this...ive not had a reply back as of yet.....
its nearly time to go home and i dont know what to do where to go and its really killing me deep down inside....
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 September 2010):
Ok, I think you're dealing with a combination of your insensitivity and her irrational pregnancy hormones. I think that the stuff you were doing is quite minor. I've got lots of friends who I'll text/email/facebook. It doesn't mean I want to bed down any woman in that list. But maybe you two have had conversations about this before. Maybe she's told you it bothers her and you keep doing it. Now, with a baby on the way, giant life changes knocking at the door, out of control hormone levels, she's questioning if you're really the one for her because you can't respect something she's asked of you that is very minor in her view.
When a partner makes a request that we stop something we're doing, it's because it really bothers them. If they admit the true degree or not, it does bother them A LOT. If it didn't, they wouldn't bother mentioning it.
I think you need to tone down the twitter. Show your GF that you're committed to her and your child. Ride out the emotional swings she'll be having, and focus on the positive.
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