A
female
age
41-50,
*ashap
writes:My husband and I have been together for almost ten years on and off. We separated 10 months ago and we've been back together for almost a year now.however; It seems like a endless cycle of selfishness and lies. When we got back together we decided to end all foolishness and decided to work on the marriage. We have two children one together and another from a previous relationship. The problems are I havent never felt that we are working as a team togeher.We purchassed a new vechical to make things easier for us to commute. However; my husband is the only one using the car. My daughter and I take the bus. while he takes the car to work when i need the car to run errans or go to job interviews and take car household duties. I told him I would take him and the kids to work and school while i take the car but her refuses.Its making me feel like he doesn't appreciate me to not allow me to take the bus.I want my marriage to work but I don't want to be used. Am I over reacting???
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female
reader, sashap +, writes (14 September 2010):
sashap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEverything is still the same you guys!!! I appreciate all your advice. I am taking steps to kick him to the curb. If my husband is not a team player what the hell do I need him for!!. I can do bad all by myself!!!!
A
female
reader, sashap +, writes (29 August 2010):
sashap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree To be a team you must act as a team. That is what a marriage is Friendship, compromise,understanding, However My hubby and I have had a lot of trust issues that we are trying to get over. But it still doesn't make it okay that he is not being mature and making sure his family is first just like he puts himself first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): Lady
It seems that expectations and EGOes are killing your marriage. To be a team you need to think as team. Once you subsume you in to him, he will also do the same to you. Humans are always reciprocal. The thing that stops you and him both is that both only think as individual and do not adjust and compromise.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 So break the circle. You are his wife, the mother of his child. If he refuses to play his part as your husband or his part as the father of his own children, leave him and find someone who will. There are plenty of good men out there.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): It breaks my heart to hear you say that marriage is an endless circle of lies and selfishness. I am married and I always put my wife first to the point where I feel I have given so much I feel like a fool. And now I feel unhappy in my marriage. Sound like we are at opposite ends of the marriage spectrum. I hope things get better for you. I will check back if you wish to discuss your situation further.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 I think you stayed too long. You'd been trying to work it out for 10 years. You are doing all the work while he reaps the benefits from you but not putting any effort on his part. You are trying to get him to provide you something which he doesn't have because he's too selfish. You reached a point when you feel enough is enough. Take the bus, but tell him it's time to get a divorce. You'll be so much happier if you give other good men chances.
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