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female
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anonymous
writes:Hia,Lets start at the beginning...I started dating my b/f 4 1/2 months ago after a 2 year friendship in college.We are getting on extremely well and the other day he told me he loved me and had never felt this way for anyone before and i told him i loved him too!The thing is: - A) I have never had a b/f before B) I am a Virgin and my b/f has no idea! C) My parents are strictI am 20 years old and i am not aloud to stay out all night due to my mothers strong hold over me.I love my boyfriend trully and want to make love with him but everytime it comes close i just can't!I think of my mother hating me and the fear of getting pregnant etc and the fact that he is more experienced than i am!I really want to spend the night with my boyfriend but i just find it hard to approach the subject with my mother? and overcome my own insecurities.Me and my b/f have got very close to making love a few times and he is now wondering why i won't! what shall i do?Just do what feels right? or feel scared of what people will find out?Please, please help me!Worried, 20 Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do live with my parents.
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female
reader, Juliette +, writes (13 August 2006):
 First, don't be pressured into sex before you are ready because if he does love you he won't run off just because you don't want to yet. I am a mother of a 21 year old and she certainly would not ask my permission though I hope I have brought her up to make sensible choices and not to go with the first one that says he loves her, unless she believes he does and the relationship is worth more than a couple of months or years really if you are a bit old fashioned. If you choose to have sex then just take precautions so you don't get pregnant. At your age it is your responsibility and choice and if 'people find out' then you are over 16 and it is none of their business. Just make sure it is right FOR YOU, and you are not just feelng guilty because your boyfriend expects you to conform to his needs. The feeling of 'love' often wanes so fast once their desire is quenched!
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female
reader, sbw1989 +, writes (13 August 2006):
 You're 20. You're legally an adult. You have been for 2 years. You're old enough to drink, drive, smoke, marry and gamble: there is no legal hold on you anymore. What makes your mother feel she has to be strict? Perhaps she is scared of losing you, but we all have to grow up at some point. You've not said whether you live with her or not, but it's not fair of her to treat you like this, as you are a grown adult and fully capable of making your own decisions- your mum needs to realise this.
Also, it sounds like you're worried you're going to disappoint him when you sleep with him, due to your lack of experience. If your boyfriend loves you at all, when you tell him, he will support you. Sex isn't something to be rushed into at any age, and you need to be in a strong, loving relationship full of trust and respect. Confide in him and tell him, and the odds are that he'll be fine with it. You need to come clean with both your boyfriend and your mother- it will be hard, but then you won't be hiding anything anymore, and hopefully it will show your mum that as you're mature enough to discuss it with her, you're mature enough to lead your own life.
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