A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi am 22 f. I'm in a distance relationship fro 9 months. And I love my guy. We were best frens for 6 months prior to that.We haven't met all this while. For the first 3 months we were just great.Then he got busy and drastically cut down on communication.. that made me feel really lonely. He wasn't talking to me over phone for a whole month. Which is sad.. happened thrice. Then we sorted it out. And I know he loves me. Still we talk only 3-4 times a month.. Mostly I call when he's in office because our timings are totally differnt.. He usually sends msgs or chat.Once a week or so. He said he needs time, so am trying to put up with it even when it's very hard for me. I feel very lonely, for I have only one friend in this city and without him i feel terrible. He has lot of friends and never gives up on entertainment, partying or sports then gets sleepless and get busy with work for he's self employed and totally gets no time to talk to me. I feel sad.. I really wait for him for weeks. I don't doubt him but this comunication gap is killing me. He thinks everything will be fine in few months. I don't expect much, just a call for few minutes once in 2 days wouldn't harm him..He knows he 's hurting me, so religiously sends msg once or twice a week but I really like to hear him..Now am kind of used to it.. and that's scary.. even if everything gets fine, I might just remain cold .. I have talked to him openly have even given him so much space and love..I don't understand why can't he make a little effort. It hurts when I feel like, he isn't possessive abt me. If our telationship doesn't work,atleast I don;t want to have regrets.I am trying.. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Original author:
Thank you..
Yes maybe I should get out of this. This is hard because he has no intention to break up, or atleast looks like that. He's comfortable with, how it is now. I don't know how to tell him that again.For, he has asked me few months time.
Don't think I'll fall in love again..lol, and they talk about women being tough to understand.. I ask, what does a man want? ( emotionally)
I'll try harder to concentrate on my own life.I want to be happy too..:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Wow it sounds like we almost might know the same guy!
I was also in a LDR, and after a while he disappeared for weeks. His excuse was that he was busy with work. But by then we had known each other for almost two years, and he should have at least let me know beforehand. He did the disappearing act a few times after (even though I talked to him about it), and one day he just stopped writing. I didn't feel broken hearted or anything because by then I realized how unhappy I was with him and how unconcerned he was about my feelings. Now I'm so much happier without the worry I endured when we were "together."
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 Please reread the last line of your post : I have been lonely all my life and it's just continuing.
You went into this relationship also,or mainly, to not be lonely anymore but you are still lonely. Ergo,it's not working.
You ask yourself if this is because of his personality or his communication pattern or his zodiac sign or whatever- and deep down you think that if you only could tough it out and find what button to push to make him change, then all would become fine. Maybe. Maybe not.
Stay with the here and now. Stay with what it is.
What it is, it's that you are unhappy and you are lonely in this relationship. That should be enough food for thought...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Hey this is original author of the post. i forgot my login account id.
Thank you,@CindyCares and @monkey friend..
Yup, I feel the same..
Actually I told him I'm going to break up for 2 times in the past. And strangely he sounds clueless about my situation, sometimes innocent , of course arrogant.. He told, he's like this since his childhood, he doesn't share his concerns n keep everything for himself. He was deeply hurt when I told him I'm gonna move on for it's too hard for me. All he said was, he has always loved me, and will..He'll be there, if I think it's best to go I can .He's taking time for himself to be normal. And I don't understand him and he doesn't understand me.
Then I thought maybe it's how he is and since we haven't met it needs lot of understanding and maybe everything will be alright given time. I talked told how depressed I am, he confessed n said , he did not know how I would react and that made him behave erratically.And he loves me..
and told, whenever u feel like talking , just ring me even if I'm at office.
So i thought fine. 3 weeks passed.. I only have called him thrice. He just sends sms once in a week. It would've made me happy if he'd ringed me..
I hate to sound clingy by asking him to contact me, I just wish he would've thought abt it. Even when talk we're lack of topics..I almost cry inside trying to smile..
I even brought this topic before we fixed it.Told the way he behaves depicts,
- He isn't interested anymore.
-- Since I give him enuf attention he thinks am not upto the challenge.
-- there is another girl in his life, and maybe he's keeping me waiting for he is not sure of the status with her.
(This is the answer I received from a forum in the initial stage)
I did not fight.. He was like omg, people assume so much! I said, u behave like that. and he understood how serious this was.. and asked me forgiveness. and we sorted it like that.. for a week he was nice and happy.. I could feel that..because whenever we had cold war he was moody too.
Maybe it's his personality? and we're incompatible..?
I try from my end.. He's a nice guy..I don't want to lose him but at the same time don't want to ruin my own life. I have been lonely all my life and it's just continuing..
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 October 2010):
You are tryng, and a bit too hard.
You wonder why can't he make more effort- simple : because he does not want to. He could, but that would mean cutting down on friends and entertainment and whatnot , which he is not willing to do , because this relationship is not a priority for him. He'll keep it going until it does not interferes with the rest of his life and his real priorities, but he is not gonna sacrifice even half an hour of sleep or one single outing with friends for you.
You are getting used to that- but maybe you should not. Why training yourself to be considered second best.
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A
female
reader, monkey friend  +, writes (9 October 2010):
What you described is how it used to be with me exactly. (We used to talk so much, then he stopped talking to me for 2 weeks, and only 1 message in that time period; I then left him a message about the situation and he snapped back into place. Even though we fixed it, I still had ill feelings about that. I grew used to not talking to him~I could actually go one day without thinking of him, unlike before. I too worried that I could never be the same with him. In the end, although I knew he had a life, I just couldn't live with the fact that he couldn't spend a little of his free time to talk with me, and it causes me to find him unreliable and not so lovable. In my best interest~break off of relationship.)
Sorry, sounds gloomy, but really, you can do better.
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