A
male
age
22-25,
kaimorid
writes:I've lived with the mother of my child since the baby was born. We broke up at the beginning of the pregnancy. When the baby was born, I moved to a different state to support her and provide for her and the child until I had enough money saved to move us back near my family. I never spent more than a day or two apart from her and the baby in this entire time. She then visited a different state for a week to see her family. While she was gone, I suddenly realized what an enormous impression she had on my life, and how happy I was that she shared it with me, even in the non-romantic way that we had been. I further realized that I had been nurturing these feelings for a long time, and wanted to begin life as a true family with her and my child.She got back from her trip and was strangely distant. After spending a week working up my courage, I confessed my love to her through a several page long letter I wrote one night. She informed me that she was in a long-distance relationship that she began shortly after her visit. The person she is dating is someone she's known peripherally for several years, but I don't believe they've ever spent more than a few hours together at a time, if that.I can't imagine how much poorer my life will be if I don't succeed in winning back the heart of this woman. Any advice on the matter would be helpful. Oh, and as a caveat; I moronically rejected several offers to rekindle things during the time we've lived together. I need to be able to tell if she just doesn't trust that I mean it this time, or if she truly has no feelings for me. How can I prove that I've changed?
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (22 February 2008):
 Yes actions speak louder than words but don't confuse motion with action. You have stated your case so rest your case. Don't let this become a competition between you and the other guy. Reiterate your feelings. Let her know of your disappointment at the mismatched timing of emotion. Be measured and composed. You are the guy she would be with had you had your wits about you. If they get a whiff of desperation women will run with it and pit guys against each other. You won't be stooping to this level so maintain face throughout.
A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (22 February 2008):
The first positive thing is that you are the biological father of the child. It's not a reason to stay in an other wise bad relationship but if the right reasons are there it doesn't hurt. It's unforunate timing that your epiphany of love for her coincided with her disillusionment. She will see this as a knee jerk reaction to her moving on rather than you becoming aware of any true feelings for her. Long letters professing love can't make up for long time not articulating it but as shes mulls over what you offer in the relationship she can experience the vibe you project by rereading it. If this guy was in the periphery through out her life and was some kind of perfect match they would have discovered this long ago. Just as likely this guy always liked her she always knew it and he reappeared at just the time she was giving up on you. She has shifted loyalties from you to him but her first choice hands down was you. And this wasn't one of those ping pong bouncing from one to the other. She had placed herself firmly in front of you and you alone and you (at least in her mind) rejected her. At least on a deeper and emotional level. Now you must wait for her just as she feels like she waited for you. See her and see your child. Let her know as times passes that the feelings she awakened in you are real and time is not diminishing them. If what she felt for you in the past was real then it is still alive in there somewhere and can be rekindled. Its all up to you and if you care to wait her out.
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A
male
reader, kaimorid +, writes (21 February 2008):
kaimorid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've talked, a bit...but when she wants to ignore a person or an issue, she's really good at it. I guess I'm hoping for help about what actions I can take that will prove that I want her forever...I'm a firm believer in the concept that actions speak louder than words. Thank you for the comment, though.
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A
female
reader, Annalisa  + ♥, writes (21 February 2008):
 All you can do, really, is talk to her and see if there is a chance she might have you back. If she gets emotional, you might be in luck! Be persistent in your love and attentions, but don't force her and see what happens.
God bless you and good luck!
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