A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've never had a boyfriend and have been feeling down about myself lately. Everyone tells me that I need to learn to love myself first before anyone else can love me, I feel like I do love myself. All of my friends have significant others and I'm the only one who apparently doesn't love myself, is that the secret to having a relationship and why does everyone seem to think that my problem is that I don't love myself enough. Everyone has self esteem issues I'm clearly no exception. Why does everyone else have such an easy time meeting people and developing relationships and I'm the lone person who no one seems to want to start a relationship with. I've hooked up with my share of guys and I know of several people who have had sex with people on the first night and a relationship has developed. Not that I think sex on the first date is what one should always do, but I have needs just like everyone else!
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (6 February 2009):
 I think you should stop listening to all these coupled up people! If you feel like you love yourself then that is great, and that is the first step.
the next step is to stop looking for and wanting a boyfriend! I know this sounds strange but I honestly believe that as soon as you stop looking for a guy, and stop thinking about wanting a boyfriend then one will come along!
Take a good look at yourself in the mirror - are you happy with the way you look? I know this is a little shallow and of course you will have bits of your body you dont like but as a whole, do you think you look reasonably attractive? I really think that a new haircut, a few new outfits that show off your best assets and some new make-up always helps. It will give you loads of confidence and confidence is really attractive to guys!
But make sure you are dressing for yourself not for a man's approval - you will only exude confidence when you love what you are wearing (not what you think a man will like!)
I know this is pretty rubbish and not helpful right now but give it time and be patient! You are just looking for the right guy and that takes time, dont settle for anything less than perfect!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, uluvme0723 +, writes (6 February 2009):
 I totally understand what your going through. I'm in the same boat. The past few months i've been putting myself down because i was miserable. Not having a bf/gf sucks. Its no way to sugar coat it. But i understand where they're coming from when they say love yourself first. That's step one. Start feeling good about yourself. Once everything in your life starts to fall in place. So will love. And about sex on the first date. A lot of people have sex on the first date. But for me, if i have sex on the first date, i had no intentions on taking the person seriously. But hey that's me.
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