A
male
age
30-35,
*ctiveplay
writes:I have a girlfriend at the moment, but that isnt the problem. The problem seems to be that I have been very depressed lately over my ex, I have been dating my girlfriend that I have now for 5 months or so.. and my ex... I miss her dearly. we dated for 3 years of which i am positive she cheated on me a few times in the beginning, and I cant trust her I dont feel but I miss her more than I have missed anything in this world. I was aright for quite some time but now I am really starting to regret that I ever said goodbye, she also took my virginity when I was 16... I am a strong believer in being strong and not losing your head, (especially over a woman) but in this situation I am starting to get very up tight about things. What can I say? I guess the heart wants what it wants, its a selfish muscle..... Help?
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male
reader, clutchcargo +, writes (5 August 2011):
 OP you have gotten some good advice from the other posters especially JMTMJ re: idealization & eek re: second best. If you think your current girlfriend is not picking up the signals that she is not the top feline you are seriously under estimating a woman's ability to read her man!
I would also suggest that the fact your ex was the one you shared your virginity with has an extra special bond with you also. That is why so many Retro active jealousy posters feel there is something missing in their current relationship with their non virgin,previously promiscuous partners.
Have some integrity. Take some time off from your current GF. Clear your head. Put your relationship with your ex in the proper prospective. Then you will be ready for a new GF. Rebound relationships don't seem to be very healthy.
At the very least show some respect for your GF and tell her about your issues.
A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (4 August 2011):
 either forget your ex or leave your girlfriend. Im sure she does not want to be second best.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (4 August 2011):
 It's also a stupid illogical muscle.
You're idealizing her dude. You're forgetting why it didn't work and daydreaming about the times when it did. Write out a pro's and con's list if you have to, then when you remember how things ACTUALLY were versus how you IDEALIZE them to have been, burn the list and anything you have that reminds you of her. Its didn't work, its over, time to start a new chapter.
Sort yourself out man or let your girlfriend go so she can find someone who wants only her.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Even though you're no longer involved with this girl, I think you should be single until you are able to get over this girl. It's not fair for you to be with your girlfriend when she's not the only one you're interested in. So stay single awhile until you can think about her and not feel any pain or emotion. Your girlfriend should have someone who's mind is only on her.
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