A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've broken up with my boyfriend and I'm feeling uncertain because I miss him.There were so many things we had in common, so on many levels we 'got' each other. Mainly surrounding our love of nature.However, I felt he was controlling and manipulative, and I wanted to break up. He wouldn't let me go because he said we should work out our issues, not run from them. He said he was prepared to work on any of our issues. Somehow it didn't seem believable and I didn't feel I could trust him with my feelings. He used to tell me my feelings came from negative thinking and if I changed my negative thoughts into positive ones I would not feel anxious. But I was feeling anxious because he wanted us to take on a mortgage and we'd only been together six months and it was too soon. I became very confused. He would question me when I went out, and if I met a man he would ask so many questions I gave up all my male friends.He didn't want to come and see my brother with me and tried to delay me going, also delayed the trip to my parents saying he was tired. He would keep me awake with long explanations about all kinds of things, or with questions. Even if I said please I'm so tired let's talk in the morning, he would go on and on and on. I found I was crying a lot, just to sleep was a relief.Phone calls were the same, sometimes I said, please I have to go now and he said no, and carried on talking. Sometimes I've put the phone on a surface and carried on what I was doing. 15 minutes later he would still be talking away, not realising nobody was there.But he told me I was the love of his life, we were soulmates, he couldn't live without me, that every relationship has problems but the mark of true love is that we'd be prepared to work things out.When I tried to tell him about dreams I had he took it as a personal threat and walked away or said it wad a stupid idea, or there was no way in hell he was doing that/going there or whatever.He rang me at 2am at my friend's accusing me of sleeping with another guy. In the morning I told him and he had no memory of this.I ended it but he kept pursuing me until I gave in. This went on, sad to say, for a year. Each time I left it was a total wrench. He was relentless. Now it's no contact and I'm happy about that. But there's been so much emotional investment and pain over the last year that I'm all over the place with my feelings for him.I miss the way he is so gentle and kind to animals. This time of year the birds are all building nests and I know he will be feeding them, and I miss watching them with him. I learnt a lot of names of different species with him. Animals just love him, he can have birds eating out of his hand.I start to wonder, how can such a kind and gentle soul to animals be as bad as I have thought.He was so attentive to me and I was so in love with him that sex was incredible. Even just lying there with him felt right.So how come was it sometimes so wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): It's ok to miss parts of your time with him, I mean you were in a relationship with him so there will obviously be parts of him and his personality that you fell for. It is natural to miss that. But this guy does not sound like he was good for you. When you are with the person you are supposed to be with, you should feel happy, contented and listened to. It should not be a relief to get some sleep to get away from them. At the moment you are hurting so you are questioning your decision. That too is normal, but you need to realise that you are probably looking at things through rose tinted glasses right now because you are hurt and maybe a bit scared of what will happen to you now. You need to remember why you did this - that when you were with him your underlying gut feeling was that things weren't right and you wanted to break up. If you got back together these things would be no different. Please stay strong and focus on the fact you are now free to meet a man who not only loves nature and animals, but treats you with the same respect. I wish you all the very best :)
A
male
reader, lakers_lover09  +, writes (31 March 2013):
Deciding wether you want to stay or go will have to be up to you, as long as you can deal with the decidion. I will warn you though that its natural to miss an ex , especially one you love. That doesn't make going back okay though. This is a situation where you need to be happy in the end, and sometimes that means choosing the lesser if two evils and sticking with it. So in my opinion, this relationship has run it's course. I think that you should see it as a life experience and learn from it. Become better and stronger for it, and never regret it. Good luck to you
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