A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've recently become involved with a man who never seems to get really hard when we're making love. It does limit the positions we can try and he steers me towards the easier ones. It doesn't have any effect on his climax, and sometimes he is very quick. It's like he has the worst of both worlds! Lately he's wanted to use sex toys to help bring me up to speed, which I like. I haven't liked to discuss this as I think he's a bit sensitive about it.. Is this normal for a 35 year old guy? He is a smoker if that's relevant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): If this man is very important to you and good sex is very important to you then he is going to have to attend to your needs first with a whole lot more foreplay for you. It is not what enters your vagina that is the main game. He needs to be making far better use of his tongue, his lips and his fingers on you, before he enters you.
I would also suggest you have some sex sessions where you decide on the 'no penetration' rule and just stimulate each other over maybe two hours with foreplay only, until you both orgasm with only using foreplay on each other. This may be a revelation to him but women whose clitoris has been treated properly to good foreplay have the best orgasms.
Once you know him really well i would suggest he speak to his doctor over this. And that hid doctor refer him to a specialist clinc that treats men with erection problems.
Although there are smokers all over the world, without erection problems, there is suggestion that, in some men, smoking can cause some men problems. Does he have any other problems like high blood pressure? Because taking medication for that does affect a man's erection. Does he have asthma as that can affect how much oxygen enters his lungs and tire him out if he's forgetting his medication. Has he ever taken bodybuilder drugs? As the latter may bulk up the muscles, but are reputed to affect the man,s reproduction eqipment,
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 Hmm 35 is quite young to be having erection problems, mind you it can happen to a guy at any stage of his life, the thing about not lasting so long is that he has poor stamina so you should edge him on to get fit, maybe both of you could take up swimming or even go for a jog together in the evening, it also helps with stress as well so its good all around.
Smoking shouldnt really have anything to do with it, but i really think that he should go and see his doctor for a few simple tests i know this is really embarresing for you to bring up or even for him to hear it but he seriously needs to get checked and make sure there is nothing physically wrong.
If there is nothing physically wrong then it is possible he would perform better in bed if he didnt masterbate for a few days before having intercourse. Maybe he is having issues with stress or anxiety i think you need to sit down and ask him about it but be clear to him that its not bothering you at all that you are just worried about him.
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