A
female
age
30-35,
*inkerbell818
writes:ok so ive been with my boy friend for 2 years now and weve been living together for a yr. everything was really great before we moved in together. i dont kno what to do. we fight more than anything. like verbal fighting. for some reason i feel like we shouldnt be together but i love him and i dont know if i could be with anyone else. hes my first love but i dont know if hes right for me!
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female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (9 August 2008):
 The problem here is that you two are having bad communication skills. Once you two fix this problem, you'll realize that fights will ocurr less often and that you will live in better harmony.
You don't really know a person once you start living with them. Now this is a very common thing. But it's something that can be fixed. You could try to fix this yourself, but you will have better and faster results if you go to a couple's counselour to help the two of you get through this.
Probably you may think going to a councelour is a bit far off, but it's probably the best thing you need. I assume that your boyfriend, too, is distressed about the fights and hopefully he'll agree to go to a couple's councelour to get help and keep the relationship strong.
Now, you could also try to resolve this yourself. Like I told you before, all of your fights are because of lack of communication between the two of you. So what you should try to do is take time from your scheadule and arrange a talk with your boyfriend. In that time, try that both you and your boyfriend to talk in depth about the problems you both have. Be honest and don't hold back stuff and encourage him the same. Also, try to be more open minded about stuff he will say and if he hurts you, tell him so BUT don't make a scene about it. Remember to COMMUNICATE and LISTEN.
You also have to come up with a compromise. There will be thins that he might do or not do that you have to accept about him since it's his nature. Try to remove the bad triats when they're actually obstructing in your daily routine, but if there are some traits that really don't matter then just pass them by.
Now, another thing you could do is to make a list about the chores around the house and compromise to do them, both of you. Try to not be too bossy or naggy and actually be supportive and just remind him to do a certain chore.
But the main thing here is to strenghten your communication around him. Try to focus on fixing that and the problems you have with him will decrease. Good luck
A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (9 August 2008):
 this is why i personally feel it is a great idea to live with someone before marrying them. when two people are dating everything can seem harmonious, but the second lives are completely entwined so many little discrepancies can appear!
maybe you never saw the way he did his laundry and it just now is starting to bother you. maybe you didn't know what he was like on a daily basis. but now you do and you're starting to realize things aren't as lovey dovey as they seemed!
first loves are really hard to give up, but if you don't honestly see a future with him i think break things off - the sooner, the better.
good luck!
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