A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for more than a couple years and we are currently living together. We may take time apart and live seperatly when our lease is up in a few months, she says she loves me but does not want to live together for a while. Recently she met a guy who was a friend of a friend of her's. Since then she has gone to a couple concerts with him in a group(she is really into music, which I am not) and he calls, e-mails, and myspace messages her. I know that he has told her that he likes her and jokes around (sort of) that she should break up with me, he also tells her that her friends have told him that we are not that good together. I ask her a few weeks ago about him and she said nothing has ever happened. When I asked her if he liked her she said, "not that I know of," which I have proof that had said to her before. And the other night I meet up with her and a group of people and she was outside talking to him and I asked her about and she lied again about whether he has told her she likes him. She says it does not matter because she does not like him. Is what she is doing ok? It makes me feel like shit? What should I do about this dude? (I really appreciate your reponses I know this post is a bit long)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the assistance. I am thinking about telling her that I don't want her hanging out with him as she would not want me to hang out with another girl in the same situation. If she continues to put herself in this siuation I will have to draw the line. If I am in a situation where this dude is around I will make it obvious that I know what he is doing and that it's not cool.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Hi,
I agree. What she is doing is distancing herself from you so that she can explore the possibility of a relationship with this other dude.
I have just gone through the EXACT same scenario with my ex fiancé. She went on a 3 week course at work, met a guy, lied about being in contact with him, lied continuously that anything was going on and then she said she wanted a break. I looked at her mobile phone and true enough, there were HUNDREDS of text messages from and to him. She is a lying **** and you need to get past that and find someone who deserves you.
Move on like you dont care and maybe if you act like you dont care and move on, she will realise that she has lost you and will likely chase back after you. Ive been there before. By which time, you will feel better about yourself and ready for a relationship with someone nice or at least spend some QT on your own. Get your independance back and start enjoying life. This is not a rehearsal.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 I've found that when someone is telling someone they like that person, suggesting friends have said you're not a good couple and that you should break up, they're are trying to set the stage for "the big move". I don't go around telling my friends wives that they should break up and she should be with me. That would not be a funny joke...HA HA HA..you should leave your mate for me..HA HA..it's not funny.
You see, you can call it a friendship until the other dude starts making those suggestive comments, then he's flirting/fishing/baiting etc. Not good.
Now, she's not telling you the truth. While she might be enjoying the attention a little, we don't know how much pressure you're putting on her about this guy. She might feel that she's capable of handling this and doesn't need to be scolded by you. On the other hand, her loyalty should be to you and if this guy IS ACTUALLY out of line, she must be careful. Sometimes people get seduced into something they never thought could happen.
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (24 March 2007):
 No, I don't think that what she is doing is ok, not in my book!! For I have been in the same boat as you! My ex bf and I were living together and he was talking to several other women...explaining to me that they were "just friends" and didn't really like them that much. Well, I found out that he was cheating on me with them, and just told me that BS to save his ass!
I know that you love your girlfriend dearly, and don't want to lose her to the other guy! She's going places with him (even though it's in a group of other people)that doesn't sound too good! I wouldn't go any place or talk intimately with another guy when I am in a committed relationship...NO WAY! That wouldn't be fair to my guy!
I think what your feelings are telling you is the truth! She is probably hiding the truth that she does have feelings for this other guy! Why would she say that she don't want to live together with you for a while after the lease is up in a couple of months? I would procede with caution if I were you!
Peace and hugs!!!
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A
female
reader, livi  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 hey there,
it sounds like your girlfriend keeps telling you that this other guy doesnt like her becoz she doesnt want you worrying, perhapse go out in a group and mee this guy and let him know that he can talk to your girl but thats the extent of it.
you also will have to trust your girlfriend, she loves you other wise she would of dumped you for him.
chill out about the sistuation and in no time it would of sorted itself out.
Gd luk :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Maybe she does like him but doesn't want to admit it to you because you are her boyfriend. Best thing to do if you have suspicions about the two of them is to dump her and move on.
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