A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm wondering if the relationship is going anywhere with my guy. He has told me he doesnt want a girlfriend in the past but I wonder if things have changed. We have been dating 7 mths now. We are exclusive and everything feels like I'm in a relationship with him. Do I assume that we are? He makes comments like "I own you". What does that mean? I feel that he likes me and has even tried to get me to say I love you in a playful way, like when he says "I know you love me." The problem is its hard to have a serious conversation with him. Maybe its because he is 30 and I'm 40. I also know he thinks all women will hurt him so i wonder if he just has his guard up. And on top of all this he says he's joining the peace corps which will take about 9 mths to get in and then he will be away for 2 yrs. I cant figure him out. Any ideas? What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): Men are not that complicated. He has TOLD you that he doesn't want a girlfriend but still is exclusive with you. What that means is he is not committed to you in a long term future kind of way, but he isn't going out on you either. His statements of I own you and I know you love me is his CONFIDENCE that he has you hooked and that you are accepting this relationship on his terms, without a future commitment.
The biggest sign here is that he talks about his future without you in it, he is going to the Peace Corp and will be away for two years.
It depends on what YOU WANT. You can't be angry at him as he has told you what is up a long time ago, but you can choose not to waste your time in a dead end relationship and date some other men, I mean date, not sleep with other men. He knows that he cannot expect you not to date others without this sort of commitment.....and your accepting him on these terms makes you look a little less expensive, as if he got you for nothing....so get that little black dress out and go on a date.
Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (17 November 2008):
 Just ask him straight out, are we a couple or not? Is this a relationship or not? You said you don't want a girlfriend but you act like I am, so what gives? Try to do this with humor!!
Tell him you need to know because if you aren't his girlfriend there are a couple of men you would like to go out with and need to know if there is a future with this guy. If not, you need to know since you aren't getting any younger. lol
men are famous for being ambiguous about what is going on. From the little you said, he might be a very possessive guy and might always keep you on a string, not tell you really what's going on and prevent you from finding a committed relationship.
Tell him, just to get a reaction, that you want children. If he says no, you have your answer. If he says yes, is this the man you want?
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