A
female
age
18-21,
notinthesane
writes:Is there anything I can say or should I just walk away? For a year and a half now I have been with a guy who keeps pushing me away. At first, we wouls see eachother for a few months and then he would push away because he was afraid of getting close with someone. That whole phase of back and forth took up nearly half of our relationship until he finally decided that he wanted to be with me. Everything has been fine for six months until he broke it off with me again because he said that he's been planning a future with me, but never factored in my son and suddenly thinking of a future involving a child that isn't his scares him. He called me up and told me that he cares for me, but he just doesn't know if he can accept all that I come with. I don't know what I can say to make his fear go away.All that I know is that nothing in life is ever easy and at least 50% of your life you will be scared out of your mind, but sometimes you have to be able to fight the hell out of that fear because some things in life are worth fighting for and I hope so badly that he can find some way to see that and that he puts up the fight of his life! Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, lexilou  + ♥, writes (1 June 2008):
 I think its time you moved on. If he wont accept your son now he never will and it will cause resentment in the future between you. This is probably not what you want to hear but if he has messed you about this much already then he is not about to change. He either wants you as a package or not at all. It isnt easy taking on other peoples children I really dont know how my husband has done it as I can honestly say Im not sure if I could have taken on his if he had any before we met. But he took us as a package from day one and although we have had a few trial and errors along the way he loves them as his own. I would not accept a man into my life unless he loved and wanted my children and I think that is what you have to think about right now. Is he the right one for your family, he has already said he hadnt factored in your son.
If not there will be someone out there who will love you both x
A
female
reader, notinthesane +, writes (1 June 2008):
notinthesane is verified as being by the original poster of the question Actually he five years older than me. He's 26, maybe I should have mentioned
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (1 June 2008):
 Your boyfriend should know within a year and a half if he wants to be with you. This shouldn't be a tug of war in this stage of the relationship. You are the one doing all the fighting and you can't convince someone to "see the light" and make them fight for you. I don't think he's scared but I do think he doesn't want to commit to taking on you and your child. He is young and probably isn't ready or willing to take on the responsibility although I'm sure he really does care for you. If he is your age, he probably wants to have fun and doesn't want to hurt you, this is why he pushes you away. I think you need to pick your battles, not waste time on guys so unsure of you, and date guys that are more mature and ready for an instant family. He doesn't sound like he is. Take care.
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