A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know this would seem weird, but doesn't it seem appropriate? I have lived a life (as many others probably have) where some people I'm close to eventually are just gone from my life. I may casually say 'good bye, take care', to them one day thinking this may be the end, or thinking we'll meet again...but often if we've moved geographically apart and our lives diverge, we eventually lose one another completely regardless of what I initially expected. Now, I have a person (a guy who I used to be with), who is now very close to me over the phone. He is who I would say I talk to the most right now. We are almost what I'd call close friends, but I know when one is friends with an ex, that is especially reason to believe that the ex who is now a friend won't be around forever. I feel that I should formally say goodbye and thank him before he casually or gradually disappears...Or before I gradually disappear. I have gone through so many times feeling like he'll stop calling, but he has come back even when I thought he wouldn't. Still, I feel so close to him because of the friendship we've cultivated, but I don't want him to just gradually disappear without knowing I wish that had circumstances been different, that we could have known one another forever (in the terms of being on earth). So, in saying that, should I just say to him as soon as possible: 'Goodbye. I loved having you in my life. I know we will lose one another some day, so I'll just say thank you and I appreciate you right now, before we lose one another completely.'? I mean, I don't want to say it to end our long distance telephone relationship. I just want to express my appreciation before it gets too late to do so. I accept that the end of us knowing one another will come eventually no matter what (before one of us dies), but I just want to let him know how much I have valued knowing him. We truly have both felt close to one another. Is it completely crazy to tell him this while we are still going strong in our friendship? Is there some way I can let him know how I feel without it sounding like I'm trying to let him go forever in an immediate sense? I hate unfinished business! My heart breaks when old friends and loves just fade away, or I fade away from them without letting them know how much I appreciated them and how close I felt to them.If I could think of all the times I could have said this to someone, there are at least four times. I feel like life is a journey or an experience we share. At the end, there are no hard feelings, even if we've all drifted apart or painful things happened between us...we are all so lucky to have found one another to begin with...we are all stuck on this boat.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): I think you can tell him that without saying goodbye. Some people never hear that from anyone their whole lives. It will make his day, week, or year and may strengthen what you have to make it continue longer in some form. I have a friend who I sometimes don't talk to for months but, we were good friends when we were geographically close. We're not even very similar anymore and probably wouldn't be friends if we lived in the same city. Because we were so open when we did live close to each other, we now can contact each other when we are at our lowest and need someone to really listen. Sure, we sometimes do nice things for each other, but I rarely think of her and I'm sure she rarely thinks of me. But we are always there for each other when things are bad.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): it's easiest just to say "thank you for being there for me when i needed you... i really like you being my friend" only in your own words, it supports that you still like him being around, and that no matter what happens you enjoyed his company when he was in your life and vise versa.
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A
female
reader, amyxii +, writes (18 February 2010):
Yeah alls you gotta do is talk to him and say "Hey, you know, I really appreciate your friendship and always have." This is something you can say at any time without ending it. If for some reason you drift apart for good, at least you said it. This is not a bad thing to say to anyone who is a friend be it an ex, or a female friend. You are right when you say that ex's who are friends probably won't be around forever. Usually people move on completely. So before this happens, you should tell him how you feel. There is no harm in it, it sounds as though he feels the same way. The one question you might want to ask yourself is this: "Do I still have feelings for this guy other than friendship?" If the answer is yes, you might want to think about either trying again with him, or if that's impossible, moving on... but not before you've thanked him because it sounds like that's important to you and he will probably appreciate it.
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