A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for the past 2.5 years. Of late, I find myself feeling very frustrated and confused by the idea of what it will be like to be in our relationship for the future. Frustration with one another and arguments with each other have been cyclic parts of the relationship from early on, but at the same time we have stuck together. I came to learn that he has had serious issues with anxiety, depression, and past relationships -- I sometimes feel as if I need to be hyperaware of what he does and does not like and the words I use to address concerns with him or to even talk about my day for fear of setting him off or upsetting him to the point that he doesn't sleep or feel well for the rest of the day/week. On my part, entering this relationship I was a bit gun-shy from my ex in terms of sharing physical affection and being open about my feelings, issues that have not been helped I feel is not helped by how we interact.This all being said, I know my partner genuinely loves and cares for me and what he wants most is to feel respected and trusted, to be accepted as he is, which is what anyone really wants in a relationship. However, I've been finding it harder and harder of late to accept him as he is. We never reach that stable place in our relationship to just love, trust, and enjoy one another. I worry about what I might say next to trigger him and I worry about how tense/powerless I feel when he goes into one of his dark/despondent moods. And for all this I find myself silently judging and resenting him a bit, even when this is the very thing he is asking me not to do.I feel terrible admitting it, but it sometimes feels like fell in love with an idealized version of my partner and have stuck around just hoping that if I stuck around he would get help for his mental health issues and that other worries and things would resolve in time but if anything they have continued or gotten worse. Sometimes I see the shiny individual I met and smile and laugh, but these are the few moments in the big picture.I genuinely care for my partner and "love" him, but I'm not sure if I can keep doing this. He wants to keep trying, as we have always tried, but I'm not sure that we're both getting what we need out of the relationship.
View related questions:
fell in love, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): Sorry this isn't going to be very long, because I'm struggling about what to say.
I think you should both - you for support - seek a consuelling for him. Professional help might be the only way for him to get through his problems, and hes obviously struggling to see a way through it.
Depression? Anxiety?! These are things that create problems in later life. Its just getting worse and worse as time goes on because things keep building up on top of him and he can't get out.
You both love and care for each other. There is no problems in that side of the relationship, but there are problems with him that affect the relationship as a whole. As I said you both need to go and see the consuellor - not that theres anything wrong with you, but you for support - unless of course he really doesn't want you there.
The shiny individual that made you smile and laugh is still there. Just masked by the things that cover him up.
|
