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Is my boyfriend ashamed of me?

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Question - (31 July 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 6 December 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, *airytale128 writes:


I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and he has not introduced me to anyone and I feel like he is hiding me. We work together and he says he doesn't want to tell people about us, because he doesn't know how they will react to us dating and that he doesn't want to be asked questions about us. He says he loves me, but this makes me think that he really doesn't care all that much. When his friends came to visit 3 months ago, he wouldn't call me while they were here and he didn't introduce me to any of them. He is nice to me when we are together and claims he is in love, but I just don't understand why he doesn't want to tell anyone at work about us. There are many couples at work that date and no one has ever said anything bad about them. Please help! Do you think he really cares about me or he is just ashamed of me?

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A female reader, strangebrew Ireland +, writes (6 December 2011):

strangebrew agony aunt""Perhaps he really does think he loves you, but his reputation is more important to him than your feelings"".

Yep i totally agree....i am going through a similar I dont think so ... if you love someone you dont give a feck what other people think...

do you?

Sorry he is being an some people never learn?


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A female reader, fairytale128 United States +, writes (1 August 2010):

fairytale128 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you everyone! I did confront him and he said that he wants to keep it special and he doesn't care for anyone else to know about us, because they can ruin everything by asking questions. I am not sure what they could possibly ask, as I think most of them would actually be happy for us...I guess you are right, he is just not that into me...I had the gut feeling anyway. Just FYI, I am a very good looking girl and get a lot of attention, so I don't think it's my looks that he is worried about. I think his ex gf was less attractive than me and he introduced her to everyone, so I am not sure what else it could be besides he is just lying that he loves me. He says he means well and I am just misunderstanding him all the time.

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (1 August 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntI flatted with a guy who did this to his GF. They did not last.

I suggest you come right out and ask him what the hell is going on. I agree jmc930 you need someone who's proud to have you by his side.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

If he can't tell anyone about you, there's something else going on. This is a HUGE red flag. Ask him why he doesn't tell anyone about you. If he keeps feeding you lines like, "I don't want anyone to judge us or say bad things about us being together," ask him why they would. He's feeding you lines, and that's because he's being dishonest about something. This one sounds like someone you should get rid of; you'll find someone better who's proud to show you off!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

I would confront him. Ask him why he does all these things while he says he's in love with you. This might make him angry, but if it does it is more important for him to know. If e doesn't know how you feel, he won't change anything about his behavoir.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (1 August 2010):

Odds agony auntDepends. If you of average or above-average physical attractiveness, then his behavior confuses me, and I have no answer. If you are below average, then yes, he is ashamed of you. Perhaps he really does think he loves you, but his reputation is more important to him than your feelings.

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A female reader, erica_leigh United States +, writes (1 August 2010):

erica_leigh agony auntactually, it sounds more like he just wants to use you as an easy hook up. since i don't know how sexually active you two are, i can't really say that that is true, but i am assuming that after 6 months some type of foreplay has come along. i'm sure you deserve someone better nonetheless so if i were you i'd dump him and find someone who is loud and proud about me. :)

good luck girly!

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