A
female
age
41-50,
*ontwanttosay
writes:I met a guy online. We had never met but had mutual friends. He ended up helping me through a hard time. Then we met up. The thing is he is very overweight and I find it really off- putting. I do still love many things about him, but don't know if I find him overall attractive. I could do with losing a bit of weight and can talk to him about my extra pounds, he thinks I am silly about that but says he doesn't fancy fat girls. I am worried about what to do because he is talking about moving away from his home to be near me. I am worried if we end up moving in together I will end up overeating and obese, although he seems to be very culinary creative and we have ate very healthily together. He did say, he felt self conscious because of his size. I know I would fancy him if he lost even half the weight. The sex is fantastic and I enjoy his company very much. I am not one for PDAs but he is so over the top about it, even at home I cant pass him in the hall without having to give him a cuddle. Its all a bit much. He is very tall also, so as our relationship is only about a month old, I find it hard not to be embarrassed when he makes me give him a bear hug in the street because everyone stares even more. I could get used to people staring in time but the more he demands hugs, the more I feel defensive, mean and worn down. I dont want to hurt him. Have asked him not to so much, but he still does it. Hes crazy about me and I feel I am worrying so much about everything I have lost all communication skills and feel I cant say what i feel because its wrong...
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Well you both sound very conscious about your weight..You're right you can't tell him outright, would you want anyone to tell you that? People get motivated different ways, I suggest a walk in the park everyday together or what does he think about joining a gym together how fun would that be, looking at past pictures thinking you could be that skinny again, and pulling out those old jeans that you want to squeeze back into. For me, it was a recent picture of myself that motivated me back to the gym. And you say you guys eat very healthy together, that's a start in fact that is usually the biggest challenge. It will be easy for him to do it with a partner because that will just motivate him even more. As a last resort, the next time he goes to the doctor have him ask the doctor what is the weight he should be at for his height and age..for some people it takes a professional to tell you the pounds have to come off because your putting your heart at risk. The PDA, some people just aren't that affectionate however if you want to stay with him then you have to find some middle ground. I also think you're holding back on the PDA because you're not physically attracted to him. Really, I don't think this man is a right fit for you, if you're not into him 100% then you need to let him go.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (26 August 2010):
Your not crazy! wow always asking you to give him hugs out in public, he just wants to know that you are not embarrassed of him! he is ensecure about his weight. i couldn't live w/ a large person not this young anyhow. and your right his habit might turn into your habit (eating) just ask him before you go any further in your relationship! it is a big deal health issues not good!
Good Luck!
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