A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How to approah any relationship with people (males in this case) not whole hearthedtly?dear cupid here is my prolme. I'm 24,look pretty attractive, I work/ed on myself a lot, spiritually, intellectualy and physicaly. I'm introvert but mostly I'm communicative and open minded. My problem is that once I got attached with boy, and start to love him, I do it wholeheartedly and unselfishlissly, and so it starts the whole problem. Once I got like that, usually a guy takes it for granted that I love him, will be and do everything for him, so he simply changes the attitude, stop trying about enything, in short makes the relationship as taken already, something which I hate, beaouse it takes fun out of the relationship and usualy after I quit. I'm not a manupulative kind of girl, like some I know (taking friends for benefits only) and after such outcome I really sorry about not being. My question is how to make onself more tough and not to approach any relationship wholeheartedly? Is it that guys want to be treated badly and unappreciative of the women nowadays? Am I mistaken in something? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering. I dont think you got it the question correctly. It is not me that makes the routine but He..by taking for granted that i ll be his probably because i love him. Im not a routine kind of girl at all, i mean i would for exemple never got accostomied to a routine kind of job, and for relationship i dont want even to discuss.But cant put all my effort to make stimulating relationship, and get only nothing for return but routins stuffs. I would agree with somewhat anymonios its probably a human problem!
A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 men like challanges. they like a quest, like seduction and the whole "getting you" and therefore when a relationship gets saming or taken for granted, men find new quests.
maybe making them try for things instead of them knowing they will get it automatically on tap is the way to keep a relationship alive. it' not that they want to be treated badly, they just want things to stay passionate and not become a routine.
it's impossible to change your attitude towards the approach you have in a relationship and if you try too hard, it will show.
eventually you'll find someone who enjoys the routine you build, but just remember to sometimes change what you do.
good luck
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (22 September 2007):
It is as you said, he has taken advantage of that fact that you are so giving. It is the same with most things. Say you knew that at the end of this week you'd make the same amount of money at work and you'd still have a job if you had terrible work performance and only showed up once in a while as you would if you stayed late and gave it your best. Would you choose to give it your best or would you do it poorly? You'd probably do ypur best at first, but as time went on, you'd start doing a bad job. Relate that to your relationships and all other things. This is why people play "hard to get" or other games. Some people hate games. Others need them. I hate them and I think you do too.
You either need to start playing these games, which I am guessing you hate, or you need to find somebody like you, willing to give 100% because he wants too. I tend to be like you. I hate games and in most relationships it is very one sided where I put in 80% of the effort and she will put in 20%. It is often hard to find someone willing to give it all and is not a man or a woman problem. It is a human problem.
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