A
female
age
51-59,
*edStiletto
writes:I met this guy about 4 months ago. He lives 2000 miles away, but was in town for the weekend and we met, but did not hook up. We exchanged numbers and began to get to know each other. I flew to see him twice already, and the last time(about 2 weeks ago).I freaked out and started asking him where he thought this was going, how he felt about me, you know, all the questions that scare a man off!! Well, he said he wasn't sure how he felt, but that he really liked me. I know that I have come across as being needy in past conversations, and now his calls are weekly instead of every other day. I feel like I really screwed this up. My question is, is it possible to reverse his image of the "needy" girl and let him know that I want him in my life? Not need him to rescue me and sweep me away with him. I am in nursing school for 2 more years, so it will be at least that long before we could be together anyway. Please tell me how I can fix this mistake. This guy feels very right to me. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): My question to you is why does this guy feel right if he lives 2000 miles away and you are flying to see him? He should be flying to see you.
Personally, I don't think the majority of men are going to let themselves get serious over a woman who is not in their local vicinity....it is called a long distance booty call...as I am sure that is what he is hoping for if it hasn't happened already.
Ask yourself what is so special about you that he would be so into dating you when it is so hard to do so and you aren't available to be with him for two years? Surely this logic isn't telling you that he is thinking long term when you aren't really accessible....right now it seems a bit exciting to put this kind of effort in getting together and the lack of frequency and distance may make it seem special, but is it really? Relationships are based on a true friendship and how well the relationship meets the needs of both people....how will you meet each other's needs for companionship when you are so far apart?
Are you planning a phone relationship?
He may be looking for a no strings affair, something he can do to get out of town and cheat on a girlfriend he has at home....after all, he doesn't have to worry about hiding her from you, that would be sooo easy.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but I would look for love in your own backyard....you'll find him...what about all those sexy docs you work with?
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (4 May 2008):
 I have been where you are. Okay, so don't call him. If you must then don't do it often. If he wants to talk to you then he will. I don't know that you scared him off but maybe he doesn't want something serious like you do since he stopped calling so frequently. I really don't think you should worry though. Be yourself. If yourself is a person who asks where a relationship is going, then so be it. Don't try to be a certain way because you are afraid of scaring him away. If he doesn't like how you are then he can get someone who doesn't care. By what you described you didn't sound "needy" to me. Unless you were calling numerous times during the day saying I love you then you shouldn't worry too much. There is nothing wrong with asking where something is going in my opinion as long as you don't hound him about it. Those questions won't scare every man off, just one who isn't too interested in you or in something serious. Sorry but it is the truth. Good luck.
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