A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just wondering if after 4 years, you can learn to love your partner? I love him, but just dont feel 'in love' with him. I dont know if this is something i can change. I often think about other men and dont visualise a future with my partner. I often dont appreciate all he does for me, and just feel like i take him for granted, or that he is a great partner for now. I dont understand why i feel like this, and am having a hard time trying to decide if this is the point we should break up or for me to start conciously pouring love into our relationship? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, SebastePistis +, writes (19 January 2009):
 From someone who's gone the other way on this one - from being 'in love' to merely 'loving' their partner - I can say that the likelihood is that you won't connect with this person on the deep level that you want to.I've realized over the years that I've fallen out of love with my partner, but she is a sweet, kind woman who looks out for me and is an excellent friend. I've moved into the spare bedroom and we share the bills. She still wears the engagement ring I gave her when I was in love with her.Communication and honesty is the key. There will be bruised feelings, but if you can be honest with each other and talk it out and want to be friends, it's possible.
A
female
reader, shiraz  +, writes (19 January 2009):
If what youve said is really true i think you need to take one look at your post and there is your answer. you cannot be in a relationship where the love has gone, it takes two and if your not there then its not going to work abnd the future will only get worse for both him and you.
look at it overall, the relationship as a whole. maybe the shine has come off it? i call it the honeymoon period, when you first get together with someone the first few months/ year is amazing but then you fall into a pattern you get used to the person and the relationship falls into a routine. you have two options, if you feel the relationship has reached the end then i think you know that the by ending it is all you can do. however i still sense you feel hope so why not change the set routine, give it one last hope, try to get back what you had at the start, surprise him! when hes least expecting it do something completely out of character to spice it up.
one last shot, if you think its worth that, personally after 4 years id give it that. try being honest and open with him, youve shared a lot so dont let it go as nothing. try to save what you have, if you really want it. let me know how it works out, best of luck xxx
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