A
female
age
41-50,
*aina
writes:Is it possible for a guy to have a friendship with a female outside our relationship? Keeping in mind that they had once had a fling in the past, and that my boyfriend was attracted to her. Can I trust their friendship? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 She sounds like she is a little needy and expects a lot from him. He needs to keep control of the situation and respect your wishes. At the least there needs to be a compromise. Keep your eyes open. I can honestly say that I could be friends with someone I've slept with but that history is always there.
A
female
reader, zaina +, writes (30 June 2008):
zaina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so much for your advice. But I just wanted to make sure that I make the right decision..
About that lady friend; she has been married and divorced, she has three kids, and one of her kids' daddy is my boyfriend's buddy. My boyfriend is not close friends with that guy anymore and he has been friends with this lady for 6 years from what he said. He calls her almost everyday and like she knows everything about his routine and life. He claims that he keeps in touch with her because she is experienced and can give him women advice on our relationship, etc. and once before me and him moved in together (we've been together for like 8 months) like two months ago, she used to come to his house and almost twice a week or more she would be waiting for him downstairs early in the morning so that he can drive her to work and park her car, and once she was hospitalized and he was the only one there to visit her!! She says her kids love him.
So once I was fed up, I called her up one day and asked her upfront about how I feel about their friendship and that I want to know whats going on, so she explained to me that there is really nothing going on, they are just friends and that he is not her type.. I believe her.. I think.. she also invited me and him later on to go out for dinner cuz it was his birthday last month..
Please help me figure out the truth! I am scared and confused but still I need to know the truth so I can move on with my life..
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (29 June 2008):
I wouldn't be too happy about it. It's not so much that he was attracted to her, men are quite often attracted to anything with a pulse. The problem is that SHE was attracted to him and has been known to make herself available to him in the past. Women are much more choosy than men. They usually need to feel comfortable before they become intimate with someone. She has that comfort level with him. Women choose when they will have sex. Men are happy to be chosen. That is important to remember. She has chosen him before so there is always that threat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): This has disaster written all over it. If they had something in the past and aren't enemies, they probably do a little flirting when they talk/hang out. Flirting most likely will lead to something more, especially if there was something more before you. It sucks to hear and sucks even more to go through. Problem is, are you looking for the truth here on this site, or are you looking for someone to say it's ok and nothing will happen. We all want to hear what we want to hear. If you're serious about this advice, you really need to tell him to stop talking to her or you need to leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): In this instance in particular, no. I am not saying that he will physically cheat (I hope), but cheating of the mind is still cheating. If they had always been platonic, then I wouldn't worry. But that's not the case. If he was attracted to her "then," I am sure he is still attracted to her now. Furthermore, he hooked up with her! Why does he want to be hanging out with a girl that he hooked up? He has a GIRLFRIEND and I find that disrespectful on his part. Does he not have any other friends? And why is she even back in the picture? Maybe he needs to get himself some buddies that he can hang out with.
I wouldn't like it at all. My advice to you is don't be naive my dear. Obviously he is getting some unnecessary attention from this other girl, in spite of you, and then painting it off as "platonic." But I bet if you could jump into his brain and really knew what he was thinking, you would not be happy at all.
Most guys in relationships aren't out trying to be "friends" with other girls, especially not ones that they've hooked up with. That's almost laughable. That's something guys do when they're SINGLE. If I were you I would be as blunt as I could, and say "are you serious?" And I would right away make it known that I don't like it and I find it unacceptable. I would even back off a little bit and maybe even start to question his devotion to me and try to let him prove me wrong. But if he gets defensive about you not liking this, then he has definitely got something to hide.
Either way, don't accept this. Cause it really is not "normal" for someone who supposedly loves you. And you should make that clear to him, otherwise you are just letting him walk all over you.
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